Did He Touch It?

Do you touch the conference championship trophy or just let it be. Hockey tradition suggests leave it be. It is not what you are after. You only want the big cup and if you touch the little one a curse falls upon your house. Two years ago Pens captain Sydney Crosby kept his hands to himself and Pittsburgh got bounced by the Wings (who's captain Nick Lidstrom did not touchy his trophy as well). Last year Syd touched, lifted and paraded the thing around the ice and the Penguins went on to beat the Wings (who again did not touch theirs). So what did our two new contestants do this year?

Touching the "Trophy" brought the good Cap'n a lovely lady!

On Saturday for the Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews it was just let it be. Toews acted like the Campbell Trophy was a bag-o-super-fresh-sh*t and got the hell away from it as fast as possible. Tradition served.

Flyers' captain Mike Richards picked up the Prince of Wales Trophy and skated off to the locker room like he stole it. Tradition? Ha! Take that!

So is it good luck? Bad luck? Or just a fu*kin' trophy and it will all depend on the talent and effort of the teams the play for the Stanley Cup? We'll know in a couple of weeks.

So girls? I see your answer is to "touch" the trophy.

Now it is Chicago v Philadelphia. Flyers against the Blackhawks. The Windy City and the city of Brotherly Love. Corruption Midwest style or Corruption East Coast style. A green river on St. Pats or Booing Santa Claus at Christmas. PengoSports sez, "Go Hawks!"

2010 Stanley Cup Finals Schedule

Saturday, May 29	at Chicago, 6 p.m.	NBC
Monday, May 31	at Chicago, 6 p.m.	NBC
Wednesday, June 2	at Philadelphia, 6 p.m.	VERSUS
Friday, June 4	at Philadelphia, 6 p.m.	VERSUS
*Sunday, June 6	at Chicago, 6 p.m.	NBC
*Wednesday, June 9	at Philadelphia, 6 p.m.	NBC
*Friday, June 11	at Chicago, 6 p.m.	NBC

Was It Heaven or One Hell of a Wasted Weekend?

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee...

I Fought the Couch and the Couch Won. The Day of the Sloth. The Great Big Nothing. Or Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory! What should PengoSports call the weekend of May 22 & 23, 2010? What did we do to deserve naming our weekend you ask ? Well, if you must know, we spent the weekend watching 20+ hours of sports on TV and the interwebs. 16 hours on Saturday and another 4+ on Sunday. Was it heaven? Nope. A lot of it sucked. But it had to be done and it beat the hell out of actually doing something constructive.

Prepared for a long couple of days.

All games rated on the PengoSports 10 cobra scale -

0 cobras = great/you live to 10 cobras = sucked/you die

Saturday - (all times, are of course, MDT)

8:00 am - Soccer on to ESPN3.com - Cardiff v Blackpool
A 2nd division (call the Championship) playoff to determine who would be playing in the Premier League next year. Blackpool wins 3-2.
Great game - 0 cobras!

9:00 am - Rugby Union on BBC.com live text - Biarritz v Toulouse
Heineken Cup Final by blog on the BBC website. In an all French final Toulouse defeated a game Biarritz side 21-19 in front of 80,000 fans at the Stade de France in Paris.

Not shown on TV. Reading bad - 6 cobras.

11:00 am - Soccer on FSC - Champions League Final pregame
It's the soccer Superbowl! Oh, and it's European! How gay can this pregame be? Surprisingly less gay than the NFL's. Fox Soccer Channel picked up the Sky Sports feed from the UK and wasted 90 minutes of my life.

Thanks for nothing as*holes! - 9 cobras.

12:10 pm - baseball on FSN RM - Colorado Rockies v Kansas City Royals
The Rockies broke their losing streak and Jeff Francis looked like the 2007 Jeff Francis, which is good, winning 3-0.
Rock-o-de-Mayo! - 3 cobras just because the Rocks need to break out and a good cobra-ing might be just the thing to do it.

12:30 pm - Cricket on ESPN3.com - New Zealand v Sri Lanka
Pearls Cup Twenty20 international test match from Florida. Twenty20 cricket is the new, "exciting", brand of the sports that looks a hell of a lot like the old,"boring", brand but without the breaks for lunch, tea, dumps, etc...

Still not getting the cricket - 5 sleeping cobras. Don't wake them or they'll bite, but since you play cricket you won't have to worry about that.

12:45 pm - Soccer on Fox - Inter Milan v Bayern Munich
Champions League final on Fox?! Way to go Fox! The game was average, but them foreigners sure do like them some soccer and the crowd made it quite entertaining! Inter won 2-0 on a couple of great goals by Argentine Diego Milito.
Gooooooaaaaallllllllll!!!!!!!! - 2 cobras for the game and 8 extra bitey cobras for Inter manager Jose Mourinho who is a prick (but a hell of a manager).

1:00 pm - Hockey on NBC - Philiadelphia at Montreal
Hockey. Playoff hockey. Playoff hockey in Montreal. Heaven. Flyers' goalie Michael Leighton pitching another doughnut in net. Ian Laperriere grinding it out in his first game back since rerererearranging his face on a shot in round one. Bullies over the Habs 3 rip.
God I love this game! - 0 cobras. Cobras bite hockey players then crawl away to die.

Halftime of the Champions League final - Chicken and broccoli from the China Gourmet!

Best Chinese in town! Never ever a cobra. Really! They are cobra-free!

Well fed and bleary eyed we travel into the late afternoon...

4:00 pm - Women's soccer on ESPN2 - USA v Germany

Why chick's soccer? Well it was two of the best teams in the world, but to be honest, it was on and I really don't have a good answer. USA 4 - Germany 0.

I'd rather watch MLS - 7 cobras. Dammit! Speed it up a tad girls! This is like watching paint dry.

5:00-7:00 pm - Softball, hockey, baseball, basketball...whatever was on.

Time to play clicker roulette! NCAA softball, NOOOOOO! Click. Baseball, eh. Click. Replay of the Memorial Cup semi, Brandon Wheatkings v Calgary Hitmen, YES! Wheatkings win! Wheatkings win! Click. Hey, it's the Magic at the Celtics, click. No basketball! God damn! Has there been more than one decent game in this year's playoffs? Thought not. NBA. You suck a*s! Oh, and while I'm at it, nice heart Nuggets! Choke much? Oh yeah, that's all you do. Click.
10 cobras. 10 angry cobras. Bite, bite my pretties! Bite, bite!

7:00 pm - NRL rugby league on Altitude - Dragons v Bulldogs, + highlights!

Yes it looks like it was filmed by Aquaman. And yes it is hard to follow if you don't know the sport. But hey it's rugby league from Australia and it's an awesome sport and it's pretty damn cool to watch (even with the Aquaman angle).

The video referee says, "TRY"! 5 cobras for production values and for it being taped delayed, but 0 cobras for the rugby!

9:00 pm - Hoops & Sportscenter on ESPN

Who would have guessed that the Magic would fold like a cheap suit against the Celtics. I will say that Rondo is a gamer. He could play on my team anytime. Dude is badass! But he plays basketball so sucks to be him.

1000 pm - Aussie Rules LIVE on ESPN2 - Carlton v Hawthorn
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Live Australian football back on the ESPN's! Fast, rough and high scoring! Gots to love the footy! Hawthorn wins it going away. Life is good with live Aussie Rules back on real TV!

A dingo did not eat your baby! 0 cobras! Yes!

The night ended at 1:00 am. That's an hour to jump start Sunday:

12:10 pm - baseball on FSN RM - Rockies at Royals
Rocks rock a Cy Young winner! Rock and roll boys! Colorado 11 KC 7.
Tired of the baseball - 5 cobras just for the heck of cobraing.

1:00 pm - hockey on NBC - Hawks v Sharks
Chicago is going back to the finals for this first time since '92. Good on you Blackhawks! And thanks for the same old same old San Jose. Time to ditch Nabby and find a goalie that can carry the playoff weight. You are a team with too much talent to choke year after year. Chicago 4 San Jose 2. Hawks sweep the series.
Sweet home Chicago! 0 cobras.

Done and done. 20+ hours and out!

Footy on the Deuce!

Tickets are going fast for the LIVE Aussie Rules match on ESPN2!

It's back! Live (regular season) Australian Rules Football is back on the ESPNs! Tune in Saturday night at 10:00 PM MDT on ESPN2 to witness the glory! Carlton hosts Hawthorn on this epic night! (just don't check the standings, ladder, because it's 5th vs. 14th and not a regular season battle for the ages. But hey. We're not bitching. Live footy is live footy and we'll take it). So dammit! Just watch the game. Have your friends watch. Have your enemies watch. The more of you that watch the better the chance for more footy for this Pengo in the future.

The Hawthorn Hawks go on the attack!
(Subliminal insert - waaaaattttchhhh the gaaaammmme! Wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaattcccccchhhhhhhhhh it! Thanks eh!)

Carlton v. Hawthorn in rough and tumble footy excitement!

And now, here's a clown and a terrified child:

PengoSports, and our happy friend above on the left, would recommend you watch the match Saturday night. And on Monday you will email ESPN and thank them for showing it. We want more footy on TV and we don't want to seem rude and ungrateful do we? DO WE?! Thought so. Mr. Chuckles will now visit someone else while they sleep.

It's the Right Mood for a Bat Fight!

The perfect walk up song for any ball player that has the courage to step up with Will Ferrell and engage in a "Bat Fight"!



It might be wise, if playing the video at the old ballyard, to exclude the beat down and possible death of Mr. Ferrell (2:34-3:45 of the clip). The rest? Family friendly gold!

What Kind of Man Flips Off a Defenseless Manimal/Mascot?

What in the Hell! Just what in the Hell kind of world are we living in where baseball relief pitchers can just lounge around and flip the bird*, or birds as this case seems to be, at pro sports, granted minor league pro sports, mascots?

The face of the mascot was blacked out to protect his identity.

You can see in the background, kind of, that a player is saluting the poor creature with not just one, but two fingers!

Artist's visualization of what the culprit actually looked like.

*Photos used in this story may have been altered, enhanced, changed, etc. to back up the report.

Santa Fight Tonight!

Islanders hosting the Rangers. Anyone dressed as Santa gets in free. Isles management expecting 500 Santas and instead more than a 1000 show up. Did I mention that they were playing the Rangers? As in New York Rangers? Well, Ranger Santas appear, Islander Santas show their displeasure. The result? Pure gold!

Old Time Hockey! (and Crappy Basketball)

Stanley Cup playoffs or NBA playoffs. Which are better? Come on. Do you even have to think about it? The Flyers heart or the Cavs lack of anything close to that? Montreal battling from an 8th seed to the conference finals, or all the losing teams in the NBA playoffs mailing in a result? Grit, courage, toughness and fire, or 112-71 blowouts? Your choice. I'm not saying there is a wrong answer, but if you answer NBA your tickets for the ice capades are waiting for you at will call. Oh, and your panties are showing.

Now for your viewing enjoyment, an couple of clips to demonstrate the difference:

In the first video Toronto's Darcy Tucker pretty much destroys Philadelphia's Sami Kapanen about 7 minutes into overtime of game 6 in the 2004 Eastern Conference semi finals. Did Kamanen stay down? Call for the trainer? Quit? Hell no he didn't! He somehow wobbled, weaved and flopped himself back to the Flyers bench, keeping the play alive, and Philadelphia scored a couple of rushes later to clinch the series on the road. Wow! I will say it again, WOW!

The second video is the extended version with the hit, the post hit action and the goal. The action part runs from 2:37-3:25. The Flyers total respect and awe for Kapanen runs from 3:48-4:27. WOW! Just fricken WOW!

And to defend the NBA? Mr. Paul Pierce of the Boston Celtics, coming back from the dead, to do whatever the f*#k he thought he would do. Did Pierce think he would pull another Willis Reed? Well first you have to be injured. I mean really injured, like a torn thigh muscle injured. Then you have to show some balls and come out and try to play, sink your only two shots, and leave the floor as a legend. Paul Pierce, I watched Willis Reed, I respected Willis Reed, Willis Reed was a man. Mr. Pierce, you're no Willis Reed.

Now watch the craptasticness.

You're Not a "House of Pancakes" Without Pancakes!

Damn you IHOP! Damn you straight to Hell!

The press box menu reads IHOP and when you see IHOP what do you think? Pancakes! Muther-frippin' pancakes! Some of the best pancakes around! And what was waiting in the aluminum warming things? French toast that's what! Stinkin' Freedom Toast! Aaarrrrgh! You are the International House of Pancakes not the International House of Toasts! If the United Kingdom can package pancakes like Twinkies and still make them quite tasty the least you can do is include some in your catering package! The word of the day is P-A-N-C-A-K-E-S. Consider this your first and final notice.

The Freedom toast was a little gummy, but still tasty with your awesome syrups, which this Pengo thought was coffee and found out the hard way with an unpleasant taste and consistency surprise that they were not. From now on syrup in syrup containers not coffee cups please.

The scrambled eggs were scrambled eggs. Light and fluffy. Fresher would have been better but a good source of protein nonetheless.

The bacon was decent. PengoSports cannot get on the bacon bandwagon. It is just crispy pig and every time I eat it I expect my heart to explode. Sorry. Just can't get past the chew, chest pain, chew, chest pain thing. Now if we are talking back bacon, or Canadian bacon, that stuff is the sh*t! No chest pains there!

Sausage links? Little bullets of flavor!

Overall rating - Single, advances to second on an error.

This is the first in a series of reviews of press box food provided to members of the Forth Estate before Colorado Springs Sky Sox home games at beautiful Security Service Field. Great thanks to the Mikes with the Sky Sox PR Dept for the help in maintaining my fat.