Um. Wait For It. You're Out.

Nothing super-exciting here except for a dude being thrown out by 30 feet on the back end of a double steal. Fernando Martinez, #8 from the Oklahoma City Redhawks, is very, very late for his tag-out by Sky Sox 2nd baseman Brandon Wood. Tardiness is rude, even in baseball.

You're...you're...wait for it...almost there...OUT!

 

Stupid Clouds UPDATED

You're going down Cloud. Going down.

All I asked for is for sunshine between 645-715pm on Wednesday. I wanted to shoot lefty Dane Pomeranian in the bitchin' mix of light and shadow of Security Service Field as the sun goes down. The Clouds screwed me on Friday and those worthless bastards are screwing me again today. That's it! it's on Cloud! PengoSports is calling you out!

Whatcha Gonna Do When PengoSports Runs Wild on You!?

"Well, well. If it isn't the whole sky, filled with Clouds. Here we are at Security Service Field, and it’s the biggest evening of your existence. Why? Because everything you stand for is on the line. Mainly, the control of the skies and whether PengoSports scatters you to the four corners of the Earth. Oh yeah, you see you can muddy the heavens, ruin my shots. Tonight? All you have to do is go through PengoSports, but you see, PengoSports doesn’t forget. We remember all the times you made people grovel for clear skies. These were people far less fortunate than you, people who could use the sun, the stars, for good of humankind, and what did you do? You made fun of them. You humbled them and you humiliated them. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to make you beg, Cloud. You are going to get down on your Cloud hands and knees. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humbled. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humiliated, and this time, you will be the one that grovels for mercy."

Better tap out Cloud!

UPDATED - Game was rained out. It's a push. I get to shoot tomorrow in good light, but not the sun/shadow thing I wanted. Another day Cloud. Another day...

ORIGIN!!!

Beau Scott confronts Sam Thaiday in Game 1 of the 2011 State of Origin series, Brisbane.
Creative Commons - HeavenlyDivine

Rugby League time! Australian Rugby League time! The awesome that is State of Origin is upon us! New South Wales v Queensland. Brother v Brother.  Cockroaches v Cane Toads. Thanks to Russell Crowe (who strong armed the boys at FOX) the game will be shown live Wednesday morning on Fox Soccer Channel (Comcast 125/ DirecTV 619/Dish 406). Pre-game from Melbourne (which is in Victoria. This match is being played at a neutral site) begins at 330am and kickoff is at 400am. Watch it live. DVR it. Just watch it. And welcome to one of the World's most intense sporting events. 

Great speech. Shows a bit of the passion behind Origin.

Fireworks! There will be fireworks!
Creative Commons - Pierre Roudier

DERP!

There are derp looks and there are DERP looks. Wes Musick from the OK City Redhawks seems to fall into the latter group.

What sound do you think goes with this look?

DERPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Me throw ball! Ball fly NOW!

Hurphftmmmmmpt!

MATT DAMON!

He went 6 strong innings. Gave up 6 hits and 2 runs but didn't figure in the decision. Derp seems to be working for him. Keep on keeping on brother. Chicken ain't nothing but a bird...

REVENGE of the Urinal Deuce

You might remember our story about some ne'er-do-well who dropped a deuce into a urinal at the stadium back in 2010. It was a touching, heartfelt essay about a boy finding a poop in a urinal and then taking a picture of it. Go read it and come back. Otherwise it would be a lot like going to see Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo without first seeing the original Breakin'. You'll just feel lost and confused. Go on. We'll wait for you...Okay?

Well, back in April, to commemorate something or another, the gang decide to honor the deuce discoverer, our Ponce de Leon of urinal deuces, Marty G, with a framed memory of the moment:

le merde la pissoir

The problem? How to get it printed without being labeled a turd-vert? A vexing issue I thought I solved by sending it to Walgreen's (and not my neighborhood Walgreen's, but one I never use to throw them off the scent, so to speak) in the late PM while I'd pick it up in the early AM. Different shifts. Different people. No poop related conversation. No uncomfortable moments. No problem. Or so I thought as I headed off to the to pick up the pic.

Off to the photo department...Just an anonymous shopper picking up my photo order.

The store was not crowded and I asked for my order. The lady behind the counter, let's call her Mrs. Crabtree...

CAN I HELP YOU! WHAT DO YOU WANT!

...pulled it from the bin, looked at it, looked at me, and she smiled. No. No, no, no! Just ring me up, take my 19 cents, but DON'T say anything about the picture. Please. Please..."That's not real is it?" Mrs. Crabtree asked. I explained the story to her, hella-short version, mentioning that it was dog night, but I did not believe it was a dog related crime, that I did not attempt to smell it and that it looked real to me. That was enough for her. We were friends now. And friends share stories. Friends share poop stories. Horrible, dark poop stories. And here was hers...

No. Please no. No poo stories.

Mrs. C "...you know, one time we had an old guy go into the bathroom here (Walgreen's) and clogged up the toilet with a poop the size of a jar of mayonnaise."

Passing something like this could kill a guy you know.

Me "Um. Yeah. I..." Jar of mayonnaise? Interesting choice of something to compare it to.

Mrs. C "I'm surprised he didn't die because it was that big and hard as a rock."

Me "Um. Yeah. A thing like that could kill a guy." In my mind I was thinking, "hard? Hard?! How did you know it was hard?

Mrs. C "Yeah. My managers came in there and could not believe that old man did that. The toilet was all clogged and there was no way that thing was going down. They were laughing and I told them it wasn't funny. That it could have killed that guy. And they looked at me and you know how shit rolls down hill?"

Me "Um. Yeah?" I don't like anything about this. I don't like where this has come from and I sure don't like where this is going.

Mrs. C "Well they said, 'you gotta get that cleared' so I reached in a grabbed it out of there. And it was hard as a rock. As a rock."

Go ahead and just grab it.

 Me "Wow. That sure would hurt. Um. I glad he didn't die. Thank you. Have a nice day. Goodbye." And bam! I could not get out of there fast enough. Does Walgreen's sell mind bleach?

Sometimes one cannot run from a Walgreen's fast enough.

I don't know if it was all the scat talk working its magic or what, but as I drove off to the ball yard with my, now well earned, gift I could not stop smelling shit. Outside the Walgreen's. Inside my car. I was going crazy. Damn it! I do believe that stupid deuce was trying to exact some sort of revenge on me! Kay-riste! I didn't drop it, I only took a pic of it.  

Well, the gift was presented, and proudly displayed next to Marty's computer. Story over? Nope. Chris J. heard my tale about the mayonnaise jar turd and just had to add his own sordid yarn about a clog he ran across at a bar near the old War Memorial Stadium in Buffalo. This time the offending bomb was the size of my 300mm f4 lens:

It's always a closeup when you pass a telephoto lens.

Chris could not comment on whether the log was 'hard as a rock'. He never touched it (wisely). He just observed a very large brown trout blocking up the crapper in a bar.

I think I can 'hold' it. Yeah. I can 'hold' it.

By now the day is flying by and I am really creeped out. I still am smell shit wherever I go. I don't want any more poo stories. I just want to go home. And it is at home that I discover that I have had dog shit on my shoe the whole day.

Like my shoe, except my shoe was a boot and that stringy thing was not stuck in the poo.

CRAP! I stepped in it while cleaning up dog crap in the morning. I'd been walking around all day dealing with shit pics and hearing shit stories while my boot was smeared in shit shit. SHIT. Goodnight Springton. There will be no encore...

American Ninja Warrior

The awesome is everywhere! 

American Ninja Warrior starts tonight on G4 (Comcast 129) with brand new episodes at 700 & 800pm. NBC, yes that NBC, will air an episode Monday at 800pm. Give it some love and check it out. 

PengoSports loves Ninja Warrior! The American show is good, but if you get the chance, check out the Japanese version, Mikoto Nagano is the MAN!

They Will Laugh At You

A classic. The gold standard for ball-shot cards.

Fresno Grizzlies pitcher, Mitch Lively, tried to bare hand a foul ball, booted it, and caught it in the junk for his troubles. Here is the aftermath of the play:

Yup. Right in the junk. Catcher Tyler LeTorre's shows concern for Mitch's well-being.

LeTorre's concern gets louder and more animated.

Pitcher Craig Whitaker, with the face palm, joins in.

Mitch tries to laugh it off...

...and fails...

...so he takes a seat while the Unibomber giggles away next to him.

As a rule of thumb in sports, if you get hit in the testicles, besides the pain, expect this result:

The World's 2nd Fastest Hypnotist!

WHATEVER YOU DO - 
DO NOT LOOK INTO HIS EYES!

Zach Simons
The World's 2nd Fastest Hypnotist!

Here's the Fastest:

CREEPER!!!

Lookout Las Vegas 51's bullpen! It's the Creeper!

Poor, poor unsuspecting bullpen. Your doom is at hand.

Behold, the "Creeper"! Kind of looks like Bill Belichick.

Bo-squatch Spotted!

Security Service Field. Squatch country! Yep. That’s a Bo-Foot!

The Bo-Squatch, and friend.