First open this link in a new tab and let it play in the backgroud: Vuvuzelas
Ahhhhh! The sweet sound of, of, of, oh, screw it! It's just the sound of a sh*tload of annoying little fu#ks with plastic horns. It just screams SOCCER! Doesn't it?
It's World Cup time and that means PengoSports, PengoFans, PengoReporters and just general Pengos will be in PengoHeaven every day for a month! It's PengoRiffic! (for the rest of you, WELCOME TO HELL!).
The big news! USA beats England 1-1!!! Yeah us! Yeah.
It was a terrible game. Just terrible. But the US tied the bloody Brits and took an undeserved point so they still have hope, until they choke against Slovenia and/or Algeria, to advance to the knockout stage, where, if they advance, they will be knocked out early. Success for the USA is to make it to this stage, not to win the whole damn thing, and that is one of the reason soccer fails in this country. Americans understand winning and losing, not ties. If we can't win the whole thing why care? So, with that said, World Cup fever has gripped the nation and the vast majority of the populous is frantically looking for some ibuprofen to help get rid of the annoying ache and resume watching NASCAR, or basketball, or baseball, or the dog rub its ass on the carpet, anything but soccer.
And speaking of DONGs, here's a little something from our friends at The Onion:
Soccer. The World's Game!
The big news! USA beats England 1-1!!! Yeah us! Yeah.
England attacks the USA defensive zone in exciting soccer action!
Even a stinkin' cat can see that the goal keeper totally cocked that up.
Heh. Heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh! It says, "DONG".
I get it. Actually I don't. What is this product "DONG" and why advertise it at a soccer match? (It does seem the perfect sponsor for the sport). PengoSports could use the internets to see that DONG is an energy company out of Denmark and that is not that funny (energy companies, as a rule, are not humorous. Maybe if they were a subsidiary of WANG Computers, or Siemens Medical, now that would be a laugh riot, but they are not, so it's not.) So, we here at PengoSports have decided that "DONG" means wiener and those crazy Danes are really, really into wieners. Funny. Let CSI Copenhagen know this case is now closed.
A big thank you to The Onion for calling it like it is. Everything seems to make more sense now with that in the open. Now we can finally move on.
Hey, look! Someone must have almost scored again.
(Truth be told, PengoSports enjoys the soccer. At World Cup level it is an entertaining sport that is occasionally ruined by its players).
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