The Bye Week Extravaganza!

The Denver Broncos used the bye week to try to entertain and amaze their fans with a "Broadway style" production of the "Denver Broncos Bye Week Extravaganza!". Lead by quarterback Jay Cutler, wide receiver Brandon Marshall and injured cornerback Champ Bailey, the 4-3 Broncos donned fancy dresses and tried to dance, dance, dance their way back into a disenchanted fan base's hearts with the hour long show at Mile High.

A crush of predominately orange dressed fans pushed into the stadium early Sunday morning hoping for a chance to view the team do something positive with their time away from football.

They were sadly disappointed. The song and dance farce fell apart soon after it began. Coach Mike Shanahan, dressed in what looked like a Harlequin costume, prepared the team well, but as usual, when it came time to perform he was hopelessly out of his element, mumbling, "Elway. Elway. Even John couldn't get this done...", as the opening lady-boy burlesque number fell flat. The Mastermind could be seen sitting in his chair, drinking heavily throughout the show.

As the Broncos players cranked up the energy in second act, a strange combination of Can't Stop the Music and A Bridge Too Far, the fans started to turn on the players. "Chr*st! I thought the defense was bad," complained long time season ticker holder Jerry Blane, "what that f*ck am I watching?"


The audience became more enraged as 1st round draft pick and left tackle Ryan Clady, dressed as the motorcycle guy from the Village People, launched an attack on the Arnhem Bridge prancing and skipping across the large stage shouting the lyrics to YMCA. "YOU SUCK, YOU BASTARDS!" screamed Kevin Waybright of Colorado Springs, "Let me leave this fu*king hell hole or so help me I will kill every last one of you worthless nancy-boys!"

The crowd began to riot before the third act and demanded the show be stopped and that the Broncos sacrifice one player to atone for the sins of this season and this "Extravaganza". The players and coaching staff escaped injury by donning fake mustaches and glasses and waltzed though the clueless throng.

"I always heard Bronco fans were dumb, but I had no idea how dumb until just now," stated a shaken Jay Cutler, "Hell, they have been rooting for this suck-hole team since Elway retired and still think we can win. If they'll do that then sneaking past them with a fake mustache is easy."

The team said it is planing further distractions as the season continues to fall apart.

Aussie Rules in the USA

The US Footy Australian Rules Football National Championships were held at the Air Force Academy October 11-12. Teams from across the U.S., and Canada?, battled in four divisions, in the bitter cold, to see Vancouver, Division 1, and Calgary, Womens, crowned champions of United States Australian Football!?

Congrats go out to the Cougars and Kokaburras who were truly the class of the competition!

Aussie Rules, for those of you old enough to remember, was the crazy, smear-the-queeresque chaos shown on ESPN in the early 80's (before they started showing real sports like poker, eating contests, scrabble championships, spelling bees, strong guy competitions, et al.). It is a game played on an oval 175 yards long x 155 yards wide by 18 a side teams where you can only pass the ball by kicking, or punching, it and can only score by kicking the ball through four poles. Kick it through the middle ones for 6, or through a middle and outer one for 1. It is fast, hard hitting and high scoring. The same as hockey, except for the scoring part (and skates, ice, sticks, helmets, pads...). And the goal judges look like lab techs or banana tycoons.

I think the banana guy use to be a Aussie Rules ref, or the Aussie Rule guy use to be a banana tycoon.

Click here to go to photos from the weekend.

What the F#*k Just Happened?

Newman the Great and Paat the Fairly Average are asking the same question today, "What the f#*k happened to the Broncos last night?" That was the most pitiful, sad, pathetic performance from Our Fair Football Team in a very long time. Yes, it was worse than the thumping San Diego put on them at Mile High last year. The Chargers were awesome on both sides of the ball and healthy, while the Pats were beat up and ready for the knockout punch, but instead Denver revived New England's season and drove a stake through their own heart.

Cassel, Morris and Moss ran roughshod over the "new" 3-4 defense and made the Broncos look like the Chiefs (but not the Chiefs who whooped the sh*t out of Denver a few weeks back). Denver's offense looked confused and never had a chance after Cutler whacked his finger on the first play of the game. Stupid penalties, stupid running back and poor preparation lead to a wasted Monday night of crappy NFL football. I only watched the 1st half, so I want that hour and forty five minutes back you suck-holes! Denver Broncos Football Club, ESPN and NFL the invoice is in the mail.

On a positive note, the Avs won a gritty contest against the Kings in LA 4-2. With Budaj playing solid and Hejduk staying hot the Avs are looking like a team that might pull out a playoff berth. Let's go Avalanche!

And in college hockey, CC is #1 and DU (sucks) is # 2. Go Colorado hockey!



Until next time don't get too much Johnson. According to the poster it could mean trouble.

Live Blog! Broncos-Pats! MNF!

6:40 PM - Welcome to the live blog of the Broncos v Patriots Monday night matchup. Let's go Broncos-Please don't suck.

6:44 pm - 2nd and 6, nice toss Cutler! Hurt hand. Get over it! Yes! That's better-1st and 10.

6:45 pm - Nice run by Pittman. Keep mixing it up Shanahan.

6:46 pm - 3rd and 1-Nice! Keep pounding it. Let's make this a hell weekend for the Boston sports fans. Go Red Sox! That'll teach ya to beat the Rockies!

6:51 pm - Dammit Hall! Hang on the the Ball! You don't have to pretend to study. You don't have to kiss up to alums. You just have to play football and if you are a skill player you have to HOLD ON TO THE BALL!

6:53 pm - Time to see if the defense is up to the task of stopping a crippled New England team. So far, so good. The D comes out sucking! Way to go guys! 4-3. 3-4. 11-0. It does not matter. You suck!

6:55 pm - Hey! They might throw to that Moss guy! I hear he's pretty good. You might want to cover him. Just a thought.

6:56 pm - A Sack! What the hell are they thinking?! Pressure the QB? Now that's an idea.


6:57 pm - "We're going to talk about Tom Brady a lot..." No shit. Now if you could just work Brett Farve into the conversation...FIELD GOAL IS UP AND GOOD - PATS 3 - BRONCOS 0.

6:59 pm - Class DirectTV commercial. Dead girl shilling a product.

7:05 pm - BENCH HIM! SEND HIM TO THE LOCKER ROOM! TELL HIM TO GO HOME! F@*KIN' HALL!

7:08 PM - Come on D! 3rd & 10! Yes! Nice defense. Now miss it! NOPE-IT'S UP AND GOOD. PATS 6 - BRONCOS 0.

7:11 pm - Hall on the return. Way to stand him behind Shanahan. When he fumbles again, because he's thinking about it, you can join him on the long walk home.


7:13 pm - Belichick is one weird-looking dude...Nice pass suck hole!

7:15 pm - And the defense ends the 1st quarter the way it began, by playing flag football.

END OF 1st QUARTER - NEW ENGLAND 6 - DENVER 0.

7:18 pm - Morris runs wild, or Denver can't tackle. G*d Dammit!

7:19 pm - Nice sack Cassel. Why are they trying to throw when the Denver defense can't stop the run? Again, why throw? Cassel can only hurt you, but we'll take it.

7:23 pm - Pittman gains 6. Nice start. Keep mixing it up. Nice toss to Marshall, but wait, he pushed off - HORSESH*T! What a crappy call! Jebus! Just make them wear skirts.

7:26 pm - Culter try to get injured and a flag. Great job guys! Talk about a team not ready to play. Shanhan needs to shoot someone a halftime, not to kill just to wound, and I nominate Hall.

7:30 pm - Pass to Moss and a huge run by Morris. At least they suck on both sides of the ball. Special teams isn't too bad so far.

7:31 pm - Cassel does not have one of those clocks in his QB head that tells him to get rid of the ball. That could help later in the game. And Watson just used a couple of Bronco d-backs.

7:33 pm - STOP 'EM! 4th and goal. Come on! Well. That was easy. TOUCHDOWN - NEW ENGLAND 13 - DENVER 0. Morris, 11 carries for 106 yards. That a 9.6 average.

7:36 pm - If this keeps up I'm bagging it a the half. The Broncos quit before the game started so I can quit then. Score now or lose me to beer.


7:41 pm - Penalty. Incomplete. Dart to Royale with Cheese! 1st and 10!

7:44 pm - Go White Guy, go! Keep it moving, but not with a sweep. 3rd and 3. Loooooonnngggg pass, picked. Perfect! Just perfect. Beer here I come.

7:46 pm - Culter maybe done. Like to join me for a beer? Looks like you'll have time. Patrick "Denver's taking a knee" Ramsey may be coming in.

7:49 pm- Wilborn. What a stupid penalty! Bench his ass! Fine his ass! Are you that dumb? You at least faked going to college so you should have learned something, didn't you?

7:50 pm - Bailey's hurt. 8 and 8 here we come! And another fu*king dead ball penalty! Jebus you a**holes!

7:51 pm - 2:00 warning. This half cannot end soon enough. What an effort. I could see players having this type of game if they had a second job, or were worried about paying the bills, but this is all they do and they get paid pretty well to do it.

7:54 pm - Nice stop! Someone's playing football! 4 & short. The Pats will go for it and make it and that will be that. At least Denver's made a couple of tackles of late.

7:56 pm - I am sorry to be correct. That was too easy. That was too sad. If I was Belichick I'd go for it every time.

7:57 pm - Touchdown to Moss. Brutal. Just brutal. New England 20 - Denver 0.

8:00 pm - :39 seconds to go. Ramsey's playing QB. What do yo do? PUNT! Aaaahhhh! They are throwing it! Complete and and dumb penalty on the Pats! Try to get a field goal! Think about the betting line!

8:01 pm - Shit*y pass and almost picked. Better pass and a 1st down at the 38. Time out with :25 seconds left.

8:03 pm - Ramsey's hit and turns it over. They only ending that fits. At least they sacked Cassel 5 times.

HALFTIME - NEW ENGLAND 20 - DENVER 0.

Well, I can't take any more. I will drink a tall one for you while I watch the Avs play the Kings at 8:30 pm.

Check back tomorrow as I wrap up last week's US Australian Football Nationals that I covered at the Air Force Academy. I will have pics and stories of a tent full of drunken Aussies.

Don't Screw With Curses.

They should have known. If any team should have known, it was the Cubs. They should have known and still decided to screwed with fate. And fate kicked their asses.

The fine fans of Colorado sports teams may not have that rich history and long relationship with choking, but we have embraced the fates of sucking quite well thank you. We know not to start screwing with a curse before you have driven that wooden stake deep into its heart, douched it with holy water and shoved a garlic and silver bullet pizza down its yob.

Cub fans are not that smart. They were celebrating a World Series title in September. It is now early October and they are now rallying around the mantra of "the Curse ends in 2108! - 200 years is quite enough." To remove this curse the Cubs brought in a Greek Orthodox priest to bless the dugout (and not a Catholic priest to exorcise the stadium), big mistake. They also denied entrance to another goat, the reason for the curse in the first place!

Colorado fans know our teams will suck. That is just the way it is. If they don't suck today that just means that they are saving the suck for later, when the hurt will sting a little bit more. We want them to win, but always believe they will lose (to not piss off the curse gods), and if they happen to not lose, Broncos 97 & 98; Avs 96 & 03; Dynamite; Crush; Mammoth; Rockies 2007 N.L. pennant...then, fiddle de dee, we rock! But we will suck again soon, gods-o-de-curse, so forgive us our cheering and understand that we know that you are most powerful and shall exact your revenge on us fans for the championships that slurked by you, the Broncos without Elway; all other Rockies' teams; all Avs teams without Roy; CU, AFA, CSU & CC hockey - screw you DU! Curse whore!

When you're cursed, you're cursed, so you might as well just accept it and root for teams that you hate to pass the curse onto them (hello Boston teams!).