So I'm watching Infomania on Current TV and jump up a channel to the Game Show Network and find Think Like a Cat, a show with two cat owners and their cats competing to win, something, by guessing what their cats are going to do in "cat-type" situations. You know, will the cat go for the fake mouse or the piece of string, or will the cat sh*t in the box or behind the chair. That kind of crap. It is hosted by Chuck Woolery, yes that Chuck Woolery, and all I can think is, "what the fu#k?! Think Like a Cat. God Damn! What has become of the world of entertainment."
And then I remembered that I attended the US vs Guatemala World Cup soccer qualifier at DICK'S Sporting Goods Park in Denver (Commerce City) on Wednesday. All I can say is that soccer is thriving in the good ole' US of A! If by thriving you mean the players are improving but the fan base has stagnated. It is thriving indeed!
The US closed out group play with an exciting (not really) 2-0 win over a feisty (cold and indifferent) Guatemala squad. As you can see the "cheap seats", $30 plus a shi*ty convenience fee of $7.50, were pretty full. The other seats, not so much. Why? Because the powers that be behind soccer in the US just don't get it. Soccer is a niche sport, at best, and that is all it will ever be. When the cheapest ticket for your national team is $37.50 for a game, in Colorado, in November, against a worthless opponent, how can you expect to grow the following for your sport? If realistic you can't.
Hey, maybe it was those bastards over at Kroenke Sports who jacked the prices. The game was played in their stadium, which is quite nice, had free parking and is in the ass of nowhere north of Denver. Kroenke might have wanted to suck every last cent from the rabid soccer fan base in Colorado just like they have done with the Avs and Nuggets. Well, the crowd looked like one at an Avs game this year. Too bad. Opportunity lost. Again.
Top 5 reasons soccer will never thrive in the US:
5. The ref has too much control. It is just a recipe for corruption. Someone pays the ref, the ref doesn't see the penalty, the ref adds an extra minute to stoppage time, etc........
4. Soccer fans get too excited about nothing happening. They sing and chant and hooligan the game away when it all looks like a rain delay to Americans. What the?
3. Cheating. Sure we like a cheater as much as anyone, Bonds, McGuire and Sosa as long as they are tearing it up and staying humble (fu*k you Bonds), but soccer players cheat when they are bumped, and crumple to the ground as if shot, and after the game it is defended as a smart play and part of the game. At least try to deny it or act as if it was an accident like an American would.
2. Soccer hair. It is the worst! George Michael and that other "dude" from Wham learned to style from soccer players.
1. Nancy boys. It is filled with 'em! Show some spine and fight like men! Throw a punch and don't a slap! And, God Dammit! No Kicking!
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