Cobras Get Shanahan

In a stunning development the Denver Broncos owner, Pat Bowlen, pushed Mike Shanahan into a cobra pit on Tuesday afternoon effectively ended his reign as head coach, king and chief fu*k up of the under-performing team .

Shanahan lead the Broncos to two Super Bowl titles in his 14 year tenure as coach, but floundered greatly after his personal muse, and the franchise's true leader, John Elway retired in 1999. The "Mastermind" tried to deflect blame for years by hiring and firing countless coaches and signing and cutting so many worthless players that the team became a metaphor for choking down the stretch (they really Broncoed that ending!).

We fans thank Coach Shanahan for the Super Bowl wins but it was time for a change. Sorry it had to be cobras but you had been warned throughout the season so cobras it was. Good luck with the Browns, or Jets, or Chiefs, or Lions, or wherever you end up (just don't start winning at Mile High once you are gone you bastard! You made such a nice habit of losing there the last few years).

Now a note to Pat Bowlen, don't fu*k this up! Spend the coin and hire Cowher! Give him the control he wants and get him in here! Shananhan was a pretty good coach and if you try to replace him with some worthless college fu*k or a has-been piece of sh*t NFL retread you can just go ahead and get fu*ked! OK? Thank you. As*hole (Invesco Field. You'll always be a cu*t for that one. Make it Cowher and Mile High and you can wear that girl-coat of yours again and we promise not to make fun of you rich ass. I mean it, we promise!).

Count 'em Out!

Oh, whatever will the poor Denver Broncos do? Drive off a cliff? Ram into a tanker truck and explode? Or just quietly run out of gas, coast to a stop on the side of the road and wait for the off season to arrive in the Wait-till-Next-Year tow truck? Let's take a look-see!

1, 2, 3...The Broncos' season is finishing like the career of a fat, old boxer who knows nothing else so he keeps fighting and keeps getting his ass kicked and keeps getting more brain damaged. It is sad. It is embarrassing. It is the Broncos. Enough said.

San Diego leads 24-6 at the half and only need another 10 points to cover my prediction of winning by 28. The defense is the defense and has not stopped the Chargers. The offense looked good on the first drive (let's script the first 15 plays, but the game is not 15 plays long and the Broncos usually look like sh*t after the script is finished), but terrible ever since the missed extra point. It will be a long 2nd half, a long off season and a long 2009 season. At least we still have the Rockies (wait. They'll suck too.).

Holy sh*t! They are not staying down (Stay down Rock! Stay down!). Bell scores on the opening drive of the 2nd half (was it scripted? Why can't you just script the whole fu*king game!?) to make it 24-13. Maybe there's a chance? Maybe? Nawwww! L.T. just ran for a hatfull of yards and the Chargers are looking to score again. And they do. Sproles walks through the non-existent Denver defense and it is 31-13.

Interception! Another S.D. L.T. T.D.! 38-13! Almost to 28! Come on! Dammit! Denver touchdown. 38-21. Another Chargers T.D.! Hell! I was close enough! Pay me my moneys! And choke on it Denver. Choke on it just like you choke on everything else. I won't even waste a cobra on this one. The cobras have suffered enough. Pray for the cobras. Pray hard.

OK. Denver tried. At least they can say that. Tried like Poland in 1939. 52-21. That covers my 28, plus 3! Whoopee! Now they can look forward to next year with their own Nevil Chamberlain firmly entrenched as head coach. Shanahan has brought us "peace in our time" because there will be no playoff berth. No ass-whuppin' at the hands of the Colts. No more disappointment. No more hope. No more season. Just peace and lots of time to think about how bad this team has been since Elway retired. Fu*k.

Great season ya bastards!

PengoSports Christmas Gift List

Merry Christmas, happy holidays and good lovin' from all the staff at the
Inadvertent Sexual Christmas Image Hospital!

Now that's over let's get onto this year's gifts:

To the Colorado Avalanche:
A run of good health, consistent play and strong goaltending to get Super Joe to the playoffs in his last season. It ain't happening, but it's a nice thought.


To Joe Sakic, a class act and first ballot hall of famer:

A playoff run and

To the Arena Football League and the Colorado Crush: Someone to give a sh*t. The 50 yard indoor war is over. There were no winners.


To the the MLS, soccer in general and the Colorado Rapids:

Some fu*kin' balls. Christ! Play like men and quit yer flopping about, whining and cryin'!


To Aussie Rules Football and Rugby League: An audience in this country and a nationwide cable agreement between Setanta and Comcast so we can become said audience (keep harassing your local provider to carry the channel). These are awesome sports and would develop a good following if we only could watch them!


To the Colorado Rockies:
A plan. A clue. Anything. Just stick to it. Oh, and an owner with some cash.


And finally to the Denver Broncos:

A whole fu*k load of cobras! More cobras than can be counted. Cobras, cobras, cobras. Lock them in a room together and see what happens. Hey Shanahan! try scripting the first 15 cobras! Broncos and cobras go in, only cobras come out.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Happy holidays from PengoSports!

Colorado College Tiger Hockey

Hello, Mr. Peabody here. Go ahead and jump in the WABAC (wayback, like Waybright only less lame) machine, with my boy Sherman, and view these Life Magazine pics of your Colorado College Tigers playing the Boston University Terriers at the old Boston Arena in December of 1950.

Old Time Hockey!

click pic to go to link

This will be your only Christmas present.

Let's Flush This Turd of a Season!

Just a word to the Denver Broncos from a long time fan and long time bit*cher, FU*K YOU! You worthless, dogsh*t eating, hope raping, only you could screw up a sure thing motherfu*kers! DIE! Move to a third world country, catch a rare and disgusting disease, suffer greatly and DIE a slow painful death! There, I said it and I feel a bit better. Now if only they would go ahead and do it I would feel a whole lot better. So get going. Go on! GO!


Buffalo? Fu*king Buffalo? Figures. Oh, how do you lose? Let me count the ways:

1. First it was the Chiefs. A team that had won once in like three years! And they kicked the sh*t out of you!
   
2. Jacksonville. We didn't know how bad they would suck this year so it wasn't so bad, but it was at home (nothing like that old Invesco Magic!).
   
3. Then to get bitch-slapped in New England, that's OK, but it was to a high school quarterback, and on national TV, still it was the Patriots and they cheat so what could you expect.
   
4. The fu*king Dolphins? At home?! They may be good now but they were the 1-15 Dolphins from last year when you played them. Christ!
5. The Raiders. The fu*cking Raiders! G*d Damn fu*king Raiders! You got schooled, at co*ksmoking Invesco, to the G*d Damn, fu*cking Raiders! Eat sh*t Shanahan.
6. Panthers on the road. Not a problem. They were better than you and it is a game that would have been a surprise to win. Still, you win this game and the division would have been yours.
7. Buff-a-fu*king-lo! At home. After a 13-0 lead. Oh my fu*king G*d! As*holes! As*holes!! As*holes!!! CHOKE!
   
8. San Diego. I see the future and I am taking the Chargers and giving 28 points. The revenge game to end all revenge games. It will be ugly like the 55-10 Superbowl loss to the 49ers.
   

So, there it is. Another season pissed away. Another year as a fan that started with so much hope only to have the bastards that the Denver Broncos come along and crap all over our holiday festivities.


Oh, if the Broncos do somehow pull a win out of their collective asses against the Chargers they would get the Colts, and Peyton Manning, in the first round of the playoffs. How scary do you think that defeat would be?

Thanks for a great season you cu*ts.

I Hired You People to Lay A Little Track...

Yeah I've been away for a while. Fu*k you! I could have been tossed down a well for all you fu*kers care!

Class. Laughing at a guy being tossed down a well. Pure class. You'll all get yours! Just you wait!

Well (no pun intended), I'm back now, so shut the fu*k up.

Here is a little something to show you why soccer will never hit it big in the U.S. (Gary, is that you dancing back there? You devil! I thought you were playing hockey in Germany in the 70's!). I present to you Queer Eye for the Soccer Guy:




While I was watching this all I could think of was the quote from Blazing Saddles:

"I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots."

Not that I want to see any track laying (and not that there is anything wrong with that, but not in my cab you don't!), but WTF!? I don't care if it was the seventies, what were they thinking!? Was this an attempt to make up for Hitler? Stop! Just stop and go back to being efficient, orderly and humorless. The world does not want an angry Germany and the world does not want Dieter from Sprockets! I am serious! Gary, can't you do something about this? Jebus! I may never sleep again!