STUFF!

Saturday night! Let's watch us some sports!

Big men breaking out the big screen!

Right now:

USA v Canada in rugby union action on Universal Sports (DirecTV 625/Dish 402). Runs until about 700pm MDT, but the US is getting thumped 27-6 with just a bit to play. So watch at your own peril (unless you're a Canadian).

Rockies at Baltimore - 500pm to after 800ish MDT on Root Sports (DirecTV 683/Dish 414/Comcast 35). Rockies are taking a thumpin', down 7-1 in the 3rd.

700pm MDT - Rapids host Vancouver on Altitude (DirecTV 681/Dish 410/Comcast 56). New players Gabriel Torres and Vicente Sanchez add some spice to one of the hottest teams in the MLS. 

800pm on KKTV Channel 11 - BRONCOOOOOOOOOOOSSS! Take on the Seahawks. Manning may play a quarter+ tonight so it's worth watching for that.

1030pm - NRL Rugby, Warriors v Panthers, on Fox Sports 2 (Fuel TV DirecTV 618/Dish 398/Comcast 128). Not the greatest game, but it is the NRL and it is LIVE from Australia, so watch it dammit!

1230am - AUSSIE RULES on Fox Sports 2! Yup! It's back on a TV channel that more than 3 people can get! Bulldogs v Crows!

Enjoy your night! 

Happy Independence Day!

That round should take out Pueblo.

PengoSports wishes everyone a Happy 4th of July! Enjoy celebrating the day with your friends and family. Be safe and have fun.

The All-American Synchronized Toothbrush Squad
showing America how they celebrate the 4th!

Hey dammit! Aussie Rules, St. Kilda v Kangaroos, is on FUEL TV (Comcast 128/DirectTV 618/Dish 398) from Noon - 2pm today. Australian Football? FUEL TV? What's FUEL TV? You know. Thrillbillies; shitloads of UFC; snowboarding; surfing, more shitloads of UFC; motocross. That FUEL TV. Yeah. we know. If FUEL TV continues to carry games we'll let you know, but we can't promise that it won't replace Thrillbillies.

And now, because we care:

Aussie Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party!!!

All are welcome. All are welcome.

It is that time of the year again!  PengoSports' Christmas, 4th of July and Guy Fawkes Day all rolled into one!  It's the 2011 Australian Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party LIVE on ESPN2 at the Hooters Citadel Mall. 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30th AT 10:00 PM

Join us for some real footy, great company and wacked accents while we watch the World's Greatest Game!

Everyone is welcome. Rules will be explained. No dingos allowed.

Show up early and bring the kids to have your picture taken with the infamous "Tech Club Gavel"! 

1961 Tech Club President's Gavel

The "Gavel" is only making a few stops in Colorado as it tours America teaching children and adults alike about the long, dark history of the "Tech Club".

Aussie Rules Explained!

Coming to watch the footy Grand Final? Unsure what Aussie Rules is all about? Well if PengoSports had only one image to explain the game this would be it:


Hope this helps. See you at the Grand Final party and enjoy the footy!

Aussie Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party!!!

It is that time of the year again!  PengoSports' Christmas, 4th of July and Guy Fawkes Day all rolled into one!  It's the 2010 Australian Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party LIVE on ESPN Classic at the Hooters.

Join us for some real football, great company and wacked accents while we watch the World's Greatest Game!

Great food, drink and a chance to win some fabulous prizes:

• Giveaways from the Australian Football League!
• Giveaways from Fosters, including a sweet Fosters' bar light!
• Giveaways from Hooters!
• $2 pints of Fosters all night long!

Hooters' Happy Hour starts at 10:00 pm with:

• Domestic pints $2!
• 10 famous Hooters' wings for $4!
• Cheese sticks for $3
• Deep fried pickles for $2.25

Everyone is welcome. Rules will be explained. No dingos allowed.

Awww!  It's a kitty!  And a drunk.  

You are almost guaranteed to see one of the above.

He did not attend the Grand Final party.

Don't be him.

LIVE Footy Friday Night Extravaganza!!!

Aussie Rules! Fast, hard hitting Southern Hemisphere excitement!

Aussie Rules football! Like it? Love it? Have no clue what the hell it is? It just doesn't matter. Come out to Hooters Citadel Mall at 10:00 pm on Friday night, July 9th, to watch the Geelong Cats take on the Hawthorn Hawks LIVE on ESPN2.

There will be happy hour specials from 10-Midnight - $2 domestic pints and 1/2 off selected appetizers, including 10 Hooters' World Famous hot wings for just $4! Come hungry (and thirsty) leave happy.

Aimee, the girl in the middle, shall be our waitress for the evening.

Whether you are a long time fan or just someone who wants to learn more about Aussie Rules everyone is welcome!

There Was an Optics Festival and I Wasn't Informed?

So the jag-offs at ESPN2, and hell, let's throw in the Australian Football League while we are at it, seemed to have forgot to send out a press release announcing the LIVE Aussie Rules game, Richmond hosting Sydney, on said channel that started Friday at 10:00 pm (remember all times are MDT). PengoSports stumbled on the game just as the 3rd quarter ended and all we could mumble was, "what the fu*k?! There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?" Oh. And, "SWEET! Aussie Rules on the ESPNs!".

The Optics Festival PengoSports almost missed.

At least PengoSports found the game and watched one massively great 4th quarter. The Tigers, down by 33 points late in the 3rd, fought back to take the game over the Swans, 89-85.

A cracker of a 4th quarter between the Tigers and the Swans

A Richmond player, Andrew Collins, was knocked out cold, had his teammates try to pick him up and get yelled at by the trainers to set him back down, and then the trainers picked him up and helped him stumble, Otis the Drunk style off the pitch. A couple of minutes later he appeared out of no where (the grave?), and caught a mark near the goal and quickly kicking a 6 to put the Tigers in a position to win the game. Quite refreshing after all the soccer handbag antics that we've been watching.

Sleeping. Soon to be awake and scoring goals

Think of all the poor footy fans in this great country missing out on the perfect Independence Day opener because no one bothered to inform them. So a great big PengoSports screw you to the bastards at the ESPN's and AFL (oh there is a live game on next Friday, July 9th, at 10:00 pm on ESPN2. Geelong take on Hawthorn as the push for the finals heats up.).

An angry mob out to get ESPN2 and the AFL

Was It Heaven or One Hell of a Wasted Weekend?

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee...

I Fought the Couch and the Couch Won. The Day of the Sloth. The Great Big Nothing. Or Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory! What should PengoSports call the weekend of May 22 & 23, 2010? What did we do to deserve naming our weekend you ask ? Well, if you must know, we spent the weekend watching 20+ hours of sports on TV and the interwebs. 16 hours on Saturday and another 4+ on Sunday. Was it heaven? Nope. A lot of it sucked. But it had to be done and it beat the hell out of actually doing something constructive.

Prepared for a long couple of days.

All games rated on the PengoSports 10 cobra scale -

0 cobras = great/you live to 10 cobras = sucked/you die

Saturday - (all times, are of course, MDT)

8:00 am - Soccer on to ESPN3.com - Cardiff v Blackpool
A 2nd division (call the Championship) playoff to determine who would be playing in the Premier League next year. Blackpool wins 3-2.
Great game - 0 cobras!

9:00 am - Rugby Union on BBC.com live text - Biarritz v Toulouse
Heineken Cup Final by blog on the BBC website. In an all French final Toulouse defeated a game Biarritz side 21-19 in front of 80,000 fans at the Stade de France in Paris.

Not shown on TV. Reading bad - 6 cobras.

11:00 am - Soccer on FSC - Champions League Final pregame
It's the soccer Superbowl! Oh, and it's European! How gay can this pregame be? Surprisingly less gay than the NFL's. Fox Soccer Channel picked up the Sky Sports feed from the UK and wasted 90 minutes of my life.

Thanks for nothing as*holes! - 9 cobras.

12:10 pm - baseball on FSN RM - Colorado Rockies v Kansas City Royals
The Rockies broke their losing streak and Jeff Francis looked like the 2007 Jeff Francis, which is good, winning 3-0.
Rock-o-de-Mayo! - 3 cobras just because the Rocks need to break out and a good cobra-ing might be just the thing to do it.

12:30 pm - Cricket on ESPN3.com - New Zealand v Sri Lanka
Pearls Cup Twenty20 international test match from Florida. Twenty20 cricket is the new, "exciting", brand of the sports that looks a hell of a lot like the old,"boring", brand but without the breaks for lunch, tea, dumps, etc...

Still not getting the cricket - 5 sleeping cobras. Don't wake them or they'll bite, but since you play cricket you won't have to worry about that.

12:45 pm - Soccer on Fox - Inter Milan v Bayern Munich
Champions League final on Fox?! Way to go Fox! The game was average, but them foreigners sure do like them some soccer and the crowd made it quite entertaining! Inter won 2-0 on a couple of great goals by Argentine Diego Milito.
Gooooooaaaaallllllllll!!!!!!!! - 2 cobras for the game and 8 extra bitey cobras for Inter manager Jose Mourinho who is a prick (but a hell of a manager).

1:00 pm - Hockey on NBC - Philiadelphia at Montreal
Hockey. Playoff hockey. Playoff hockey in Montreal. Heaven. Flyers' goalie Michael Leighton pitching another doughnut in net. Ian Laperriere grinding it out in his first game back since rerererearranging his face on a shot in round one. Bullies over the Habs 3 rip.
God I love this game! - 0 cobras. Cobras bite hockey players then crawl away to die.

Halftime of the Champions League final - Chicken and broccoli from the China Gourmet!

Best Chinese in town! Never ever a cobra. Really! They are cobra-free!

Well fed and bleary eyed we travel into the late afternoon...

4:00 pm - Women's soccer on ESPN2 - USA v Germany

Why chick's soccer? Well it was two of the best teams in the world, but to be honest, it was on and I really don't have a good answer. USA 4 - Germany 0.

I'd rather watch MLS - 7 cobras. Dammit! Speed it up a tad girls! This is like watching paint dry.

5:00-7:00 pm - Softball, hockey, baseball, basketball...whatever was on.

Time to play clicker roulette! NCAA softball, NOOOOOO! Click. Baseball, eh. Click. Replay of the Memorial Cup semi, Brandon Wheatkings v Calgary Hitmen, YES! Wheatkings win! Wheatkings win! Click. Hey, it's the Magic at the Celtics, click. No basketball! God damn! Has there been more than one decent game in this year's playoffs? Thought not. NBA. You suck a*s! Oh, and while I'm at it, nice heart Nuggets! Choke much? Oh yeah, that's all you do. Click.
10 cobras. 10 angry cobras. Bite, bite my pretties! Bite, bite!

7:00 pm - NRL rugby league on Altitude - Dragons v Bulldogs, + highlights!

Yes it looks like it was filmed by Aquaman. And yes it is hard to follow if you don't know the sport. But hey it's rugby league from Australia and it's an awesome sport and it's pretty damn cool to watch (even with the Aquaman angle).

The video referee says, "TRY"! 5 cobras for production values and for it being taped delayed, but 0 cobras for the rugby!

9:00 pm - Hoops & Sportscenter on ESPN

Who would have guessed that the Magic would fold like a cheap suit against the Celtics. I will say that Rondo is a gamer. He could play on my team anytime. Dude is badass! But he plays basketball so sucks to be him.

1000 pm - Aussie Rules LIVE on ESPN2 - Carlton v Hawthorn
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Live Australian football back on the ESPN's! Fast, rough and high scoring! Gots to love the footy! Hawthorn wins it going away. Life is good with live Aussie Rules back on real TV!

A dingo did not eat your baby! 0 cobras! Yes!

The night ended at 1:00 am. That's an hour to jump start Sunday:

12:10 pm - baseball on FSN RM - Rockies at Royals
Rocks rock a Cy Young winner! Rock and roll boys! Colorado 11 KC 7.
Tired of the baseball - 5 cobras just for the heck of cobraing.

1:00 pm - hockey on NBC - Hawks v Sharks
Chicago is going back to the finals for this first time since '92. Good on you Blackhawks! And thanks for the same old same old San Jose. Time to ditch Nabby and find a goalie that can carry the playoff weight. You are a team with too much talent to choke year after year. Chicago 4 San Jose 2. Hawks sweep the series.
Sweet home Chicago! 0 cobras.

Done and done. 20+ hours and out!

Footy on the Deuce!

Tickets are going fast for the LIVE Aussie Rules match on ESPN2!

It's back! Live (regular season) Australian Rules Football is back on the ESPNs! Tune in Saturday night at 10:00 PM MDT on ESPN2 to witness the glory! Carlton hosts Hawthorn on this epic night! (just don't check the standings, ladder, because it's 5th vs. 14th and not a regular season battle for the ages. But hey. We're not bitching. Live footy is live footy and we'll take it). So dammit! Just watch the game. Have your friends watch. Have your enemies watch. The more of you that watch the better the chance for more footy for this Pengo in the future.

The Hawthorn Hawks go on the attack!
(Subliminal insert - waaaaattttchhhh the gaaaammmme! Wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaattcccccchhhhhhhhhh it! Thanks eh!)

Carlton v. Hawthorn in rough and tumble footy excitement!

And now, here's a clown and a terrified child:

PengoSports, and our happy friend above on the left, would recommend you watch the match Saturday night. And on Monday you will email ESPN and thank them for showing it. We want more footy on TV and we don't want to seem rude and ungrateful do we? DO WE?! Thought so. Mr. Chuckles will now visit someone else while they sleep.

Grand Final Viewing Party at the Hooters!

It's on! Friday, September 25th @ 9:30 pm. The 2009 Australian Rules Football Grand Final LIVE on ESPN Classic at the Hooters.

Happy Hour starts at 10:00 pm with:

• domestic pints $2
  
• 10 famous Hooters' wings for $4
  
• cheese sticks for $3
  
• deep fried pickles for $2.25
  
• Hell! We may even fry up some candy bars & twinkies for $4!
  
• And, of course, Fosters Beer specials and giveaways all night long!

Everyone is welcome. Rules will be explained. No dingos allowed.

A good time is almost guaranteed, so get ready to eat and drink so much that when you try to leave you'll get stuck between two parked cars.

Bit of a tight squeeze for Frank Cannon after watching the footy.

Hulk Like Footy

Take That You Damn Kids!

Australian Football. What a great game!

The New Phone Book's Here!

Catch LIVE Australian Football excitement tonight for FREE!!!

From AFL.com.au

Are you keen to watch all the round 17 AFL action live?

Well you can, right here, on afl.com.au.

With AFL matches no longer available on the Setanta Network in some territories, BigPond Sport is giving AFL fans the chance to stream every AFL game live to their desktop ... free from any subscription costs.

Now, that free service has been extended to footy fans in Ireland, the USA and Canada for the critical Rivalry Round.

Click here to enjoy the weekend’s matches!

Weekend Schedule
Note that times indicated are local with Greenwich Mean Time shown in brackets.

Sunday, July 26
Melbourne v Sydney Swans at Manuka Oval, 1.10pm (0310 GMT 910 PM MDT)
Essendon v Richmond at the MCG, 2.10pm (0410 GMT 1010 PM MDT)
Adelaide v Port Adelaide at AAMI Stadium, 4.10pm (0710 GMT 110 AM MDT)
Watch Live

Note: This service is only available to viewers in the UK, Ireland, the USA and Canada.

Aussie Rules!

The AFL season is under way and here is a sweet commercial. That is an actual game. It's such a bad-assed sport that they have bulls, cars, etc. in a free for all across Australia. First team to kick it in the ocean wins.

Watch it. Get Setanta. Watch the footy.
See you in September.

Of All the Things to Babble About...

So. Chris Berman comes on with his Two Minute Drill (Super Bowl Edition) and interviews the Cardinals' punter and ex Aussie Rules star Ben Graham. Berman starts out by asking Graham a good question, "Which ball is easier to kick...", which is relevant, useful and, if you're a fan of footy, interesting. And then asks a lame, cliche of a question, "The guy in the white hat, under the goalpost, that does...". What the hell BOO-mer?! Ben Graham played FOO-tee (Berman's pronunciation) for GEE-long (again Berman's butchery), he was not a goal umpire. Jebus! Why don't you have him explain Jocko, Crocodile Dundee, Yahoo Serious, Nicole Kidman's face and that 'dingo ate my baby' thing while you're at it.

Thanks BOO-mer! You're a champ! Congratulations from all the FOO-ty fans and all the GEE-long fans! You are this week's winner of the Pengo Sports Tool of the Week award! Way to go fat boy! Way to go.

Chris "BOO-mer" Berman

Aussie Rules goal umpire or a banana tycoon or ESPN's Chris Berman?

PengoSports Christmas Gift List

Merry Christmas, happy holidays and good lovin' from all the staff at the
Inadvertent Sexual Christmas Image Hospital!

Now that's over let's get onto this year's gifts:

To the Colorado Avalanche:
A run of good health, consistent play and strong goaltending to get Super Joe to the playoffs in his last season. It ain't happening, but it's a nice thought.


To Joe Sakic, a class act and first ballot hall of famer:

A playoff run and

To the Arena Football League and the Colorado Crush: Someone to give a sh*t. The 50 yard indoor war is over. There were no winners.


To the the MLS, soccer in general and the Colorado Rapids:

Some fu*kin' balls. Christ! Play like men and quit yer flopping about, whining and cryin'!


To Aussie Rules Football and Rugby League: An audience in this country and a nationwide cable agreement between Setanta and Comcast so we can become said audience (keep harassing your local provider to carry the channel). These are awesome sports and would develop a good following if we only could watch them!


To the Colorado Rockies:
A plan. A clue. Anything. Just stick to it. Oh, and an owner with some cash.


And finally to the Denver Broncos:

A whole fu*k load of cobras! More cobras than can be counted. Cobras, cobras, cobras. Lock them in a room together and see what happens. Hey Shanahan! try scripting the first 15 cobras! Broncos and cobras go in, only cobras come out.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Happy holidays from PengoSports!

Aussie Rules in the USA

The US Footy Australian Rules Football National Championships were held at the Air Force Academy October 11-12. Teams from across the U.S., and Canada?, battled in four divisions, in the bitter cold, to see Vancouver, Division 1, and Calgary, Womens, crowned champions of United States Australian Football!?

Congrats go out to the Cougars and Kokaburras who were truly the class of the competition!

Aussie Rules, for those of you old enough to remember, was the crazy, smear-the-queeresque chaos shown on ESPN in the early 80's (before they started showing real sports like poker, eating contests, scrabble championships, spelling bees, strong guy competitions, et al.). It is a game played on an oval 175 yards long x 155 yards wide by 18 a side teams where you can only pass the ball by kicking, or punching, it and can only score by kicking the ball through four poles. Kick it through the middle ones for 6, or through a middle and outer one for 1. It is fast, hard hitting and high scoring. The same as hockey, except for the scoring part (and skates, ice, sticks, helmets, pads...). And the goal judges look like lab techs or banana tycoons.

I think the banana guy use to be a Aussie Rules ref, or the Aussie Rule guy use to be a banana tycoon.

Click here to go to photos from the weekend.

Merry Christmas Australia!

In most of the world, as I write this, it is 2:25 pm on September 26, 2008, but in Australia it is 9:48 pm on December 25, 1989! So, Merry Christmas to our Aussie friends! And, on this happiest of holidays, we can join together and celebrate Australian style, while watching the Grand Final of Australian football, with Geelong battling Hawthorn for the Premiership (just like 1989!); giving each other fancy hats; and letting the cats take over our living rooms spraying the "tree" and tearing those fancy hats up.

God bless us everyone!

Aussie Rules Grand final Party

Come out to Hooters on the 26th and watch Geelong v. Hawthorn battle for the Premiership of Australian Football.

Pregame begins at 9:30 pm and the game will start around 10:20 pm. I know it is late, but it is a Friday, there is no school Saturday and you have not seen a good footy match since that dingo ate that baby.

Cheers mate!