Heil Hotdog

Shooting the mascot roundup at the stadium the other day when Hotdog Brien busts out the fascist salute! He went full Heil Hotdog on us!

Hotdog Nazis. I hate Hotdog Nazis.

How could this happen? Just how did this Lord Voldemort of Hotdog mascots come to live among us? Where did he come from? And what was his ultimate plan? The answers are disturbing. Everything about his Hotdog past, Like Otto von Bismark said, "Hotdog Brien? It is better not to dig too deep into his dark, sordid past." Screw Bismark! The truth must be told! Here is his resume of evil:

In 1890 he helped with the assassination of some French general.

The President McKinley assassination?
Yep. He was in on that!

Guess that bastard Hotdog was a Nazi.
A no good, dirty Nazi scum!

And he was in the inner circle of some
of the World's more heinous, evil men.
Like this dude.

Here is Hotdog Brien, following the direct orders of Hitler and Mussolini,
trying to stop the production of the Chaplin anti-fascist classic,
The Great Dictator.

Idi Amin counted Hotdog Brien as one of his closest advisers.

As did Kim Jong-il (nothing to confirm this but we bet he's helping
Kim Jong-un drive his crazy train right off the tracks).

Saddam? They were like brothers. Brothers I tell ya!

And finally, Hotdog Brien his a dear friend, and close confidant of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Dude looks like Schneider the handyman from One Day At A Time.
How scary can he really be?

With fiends like Hotdog Brien wandering among us are any of us truly safe? Dark days are upon us. Dark days indeed.

Mike Trout's A Liar!

Hey! It's 2012 American League Rookie of the Year and MVP runner up Mike Trout from the Los Angels Angels of Anaheim, California USA 92806! And he's standing in the stands of a stadium, holding a bat wearing an Angels like uniform while hawking the new Subway Black Forest Ham Sandwich!

Look! It's Mike Trout! NOT!

And he's nothing but a dirty, filthy LIAR! Mike Trout has built his commercial acting career on a foundation of LIES! Quick Sherman! To the evidence:

• LIE #1 - Take a close look at the stadium behind him. Go on! Look dammit! That's Security Service Field at Mile High right here in Colorado Springs, home to the Colorado Springs Sky Sox! And that's a shot from the press box and there's no flippin' way he could be standing in that position without being about 18 feet tall.

Where's your giant Mike Trout now Subway?

•  LIE #2 - We know from his MLB bio Mr. Mike Trout stands only 6'2" tall and we know baseball heights are lies so he's probally only about 6' (I know they are lies because I stand about 6'4" and I tower over players listed my height).
• LIE #3 - And the biggest LIE of all! Mike Trout has never been to Security Service Field at Mile High! NEVER! The jerk-wad got called up from Salt Lake before he could ever play here (April 28, 2012 after playing only 20 games). Said he was too good for AAA baseball! Well, what's he done since? Oh. Besides the ROY and runner up for MVP thing? Huh?

Don't eat it! It's a sandwich of LIES!

Here's the commercial:

Cobras Get Gowzdecky

(As a life long CC Tigers fan this is tough for me to write. I grew up knowing, just knowing, that DU Sucks! Everything about them SUCKED! Except maybe their great tradition, coaches, players and academics. Yeah. Other than that, oh how they suck! But they do make wonderful rivals and CC Hockey wouldn't be CC Hockey without DU).

Here is Coach Gwozdecky, last year, watching DU thump Air Force

Denver University head hockey coach, George Gwozdecky, was fired Monday after 19 seasons in charge of one of the most successful college hockey programs in the country. Gwozdecky's Pioneers went 443-267-64, won two national championships, 03-04 & 04-05, had only two losing campaigns, 97-98 & 99-00, and won twenty or more games for the last twelve seasons. In short, the man was one hell of a coach. Plus. PLUS, when his players stayed for 4 years they graduated. So, obviously this man had to go! What a menace!

DU at CC in November of 2004. CC won 3-1.
DU won the 2nd of their back to back championships
later that season.

Great rivalry. Great tradition. Great game.

Denver Athletic Director, Peg Bradley-Doppes, has not yet given a reason for Gowzdecky's firing. Whatever she finally comes up with it won't be good enough to justify his termination.  Hope DU sucks under it's new, still to be hired, coach and Peg Bradey-Doppes gets kicked to the curb as a result of this. 

Another great thing about Gwozdecky was he allowed
one of his healthy-scratch players at last year's
Air Force game wear these shoes!
Look at these shoes! Just look at them!

Vaya con Dios coach. Best of luck in your next job. May you'll be able to go out on your terms with that one.

Coach Gwozdecky walks off to greener pastures.

Same As It Ever Was

Hey. Hockey's back and the Avs stink. Hmm. It's like the lock-out never even happened!

Looked like the Avalanche played on rental skates
during the 2nd period last night.

The Avs started off like gang-busters versus the Wild Saturday night. They led 1-0 after the 1st, it should have been 2-0 or 3-0, but when you don't bury your chances bad things are usually on the horizon. The 2nd period was that horizon. Steve Downie took 3 terrible penalties in the first six and half minutes, Minnesota converted with two power play goals, and that was that. Colorado loses 4-2.

Steve Downie going in for an another
cross check!

On a positive note, Watched Slap Shot during and after the Avs game. Better hockey, MUCH better announcers (McNab and Haynes seem like good guys but it's embarrassing for two professionals to shill that much. Zero honesty. Screw Kroenke Sports. You guys suck.) and far more entertaining than anything the NHL has to offer.

Who own the Chiefs?

Might be a long year for the Avalanche. Sign Ryan O'Reilly, play smart and bury your chances. 47 more to go with the Cup Champion Kings coming into town tomorrow. If you want to see NHL hockey, but on the cheap, wait to go see the Avs play Columbus on Thursday night. Tickets start at only $4 on Stubhub. Bargain!

We Want Our F***ing Hockey

Here's a great video. Watch it.

We miss the NHL. Not the asshats like Gary Bettman, but the game, the players and the passion. Here's a good read about what a bunch of dicks Bettman and the rest of the owners are. This mess is their fault and their fault alone. No forgiveness for them. Ever. Fu*k 'em. Better yet, tax 'em. That'll piss them off good.

On a positive note the World Junior Championships are starting this week. Games to be shown on the NHL Network (Russia is hosting this year's championship. Hence the very early starting times).

Players are 19 & under. Future NHL'ers.

 Go USA! Go great hockey!

Eat of Bowl of Dicks Award #2

PengoSports is not proud to present its
"Eat a Bowl of Dicks Award"
to the NHL, Gary Bettman and every NHL owner.
Congrats assholes. Hope you choke on every last bite.

As you may know, PengoSports loves the hockey. PengoSports loves the NHL hockey. And PengoSports thinks the NHL playoffs are the greatest 6 weeks in sport. Pure awesome! Just a great game played by incredible athletes. That said, we're done. No more. This lock out has finished us. The League, you know, the owners that pull Gary Bettman's puppet strings, are all a bunch of corrupt, greedy, incompetent bastards and don't deserve our support. That means no more going to games, buying merchandise or watching on TV. Nope. Goodbye, you suck and eat a bowl of dicks you feckless pieces of shit.

Hey, lookie here! It's Gary Bettman and the NHL owners.
The greatest assemblage of ass-hats, douchebags
and rectal thermometers this world has ever seen.

After shutting down an entire season in 2004 to get the financial model they wanted the owners came back this time saying they needed more of the same things. IT WAS YOUR AGREEMENT IN 2005 ASSHOLES! The players didn't win! You won! The league is also making a lot more revenue today. A lot. The players are willing to work with you but the League always wants more, more more. Enough. I don't watch the game for the owners. I don't watch the game for Bettman. I watch the game for the game itself and the great athletes that play it as a TEAM. Hockey is the ultimate team sports. 4 lines, 3 D pairs and a strong presence in net. Bettman's not out there taking a shift. If a team is losing money most likely it is due to the moronic contracts the TEAMS paid out to the players and poor management, not the players. Screw you bastards. Dammit!

The owners present their latest offer.
Hope they don't 'draw mud'

So are we giving up on hockey? HELL NO! We are giving up on NHL hockey. PengoSportsis going back to the roots of the game. We'll go to Colorado College games at the World Arena; Air Force hockey games at the Cadet Ice Arena; Denver Cutthroats CHL games at the Denver Coliseum; even some high school, pond, inline and floor hockey games. We'll get our hockey and keep most of our money. And the money we spend will go to help the lower levels of the game.

Colorado College plays at the World Arena.
Tickets are reasonable, the team is good and
they don't have a fu*kin' owner to screw shit up.

CC/DU. One of the great rivalries in hockey.
Tough ticket, but worth it. Find a way to see a game.

Air Force hockey. They play the game the right way.
Tickets are cheap, games are close and you are
a great American for supporting this hockey team.

Screw you NHL! Choke on a big-asses bowl of dicks!

It's Howdy Doody Time! UPDATED!

Air Force coach Troy Calhoun received an ear full from Wyoming coach Dave Christensen after the Cowboys fell to the Falcons 28-27 last Saturday. As they left the field we saw Calhoun smiling and Christensen upset and wondered what was being said. Troy would only say that it was "probably not a conversation I'd have with my mom." Well here's the video and Coach Calhoun was correct (unless his mom happened to be a very, very salty pirate). Warning, very NSFW language.

It was Military Appreciation Night in Laramie. Nothing says thanks to the military like the old "FU*K YOU!" Christensen later apologized to the Wyoming fans and the Mountain West Conference for the tirade, but funny enough, not to the person at the receiving end of his rant, Troy Calhoun. Class dude. Real class. How about apologizing for being 1-5? PengoSports has a feeling this video will haunt Coach Christensen for a long, long time. Or at least until he's fired sometime in the near future. Bye, bye Dave.  

UPDATED - Coach Christensen was suspended for one game & fined $50,000. By the way, he was NOT suspended for the game after the tirade, but the one after the video went on YouTube. Message to all coaches - "You can be a prick, but make sure you're only a prick away from recording devices." Class Wyoming. Nothing but class.

Eat a Bowl of Dicks Award

Hey! The Olympics are here again and NBC and its minion substations are butchering the coverage just like they did with Vancouver, Beijing, Turin, Athens, Salt Lake City, Sydney and on and on and on and on...

Yes, it will be in color. No. It will not be LIVE. EVER!

I watched part of BBC's coverage of the opening ceremonies LIVE, yes really LIVE, on the interwebs. It was um, kind of understated, you know? British. The announcers pretty much let the freak show that is any opening ceremony speak for itself and filled in here and there to flesh out the bits and bobs. And you know what? I stopped thinking about how bizarre and overboard the show was and, wait for it, kind of, sort of, enjoyed it. 

Like the Olympics, except not as freaky. Photo - Carol M. Highsmith

...And here comes the team from East Dickezstan.

Then, later that night, I was checking out NBC's NOT LIVE coverage with presiding chuckleheads Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Bob Costas and a slew of other talking turds Kamikazing the show straight down to the lowest common denominator . Hosts are usually annoying, but after watching the BBC's coverage? F*ck these guys! Kay-riste! All I kept thinking was, "shut up! Shut up!! Shut up!!!" and I so, so wanted one of those Star Trek Wrath of Khan ear creatures to eat my brain. KHAAAN!

LAUER!!! COSTAAAAS!!!

So in honor of the Peacock network's wonderful past, present and future coverage of the Olympics and other 'LIVE' events (hell, even when an event is shown 'LIVE' on the East Coast those assholes often delay the feed for us in the Mountain & Pacific Time Zones) I present PengoSports' Eat of Bowl of Dicks Award to the National Broadcasting Company:

The PengoSports' 'Eat a Bowl of Dicks Award'

Bon appetit!

CREEPER!!!

Lookout Las Vegas 51's bullpen! It's the Creeper!

Poor, poor unsuspecting bullpen. Your doom is at hand.

Behold, the "Creeper"! Kind of looks like Bill Belichick.

Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day

To honor the greatness and self-indulgence that is the Super Bowl, the Government of the United Nations of the World has declared February 6, 2011, A Salute to Illeism: Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day.

Illeism - The act of referring to oneself in the third person. Someone who practices illeism is an illeist. Adjective: illeistic. Etymology: From the Latin, "that man".

So, at your Super Bowl party, proclaim proudly your name, annoy your friends and let the world know the joys of irritating speech and become the illeist that you've always wanted to be.

There Was an Optics Festival and I Wasn't Informed?

So the jag-offs at ESPN2, and hell, let's throw in the Australian Football League while we are at it, seemed to have forgot to send out a press release announcing the LIVE Aussie Rules game, Richmond hosting Sydney, on said channel that started Friday at 10:00 pm (remember all times are MDT). PengoSports stumbled on the game just as the 3rd quarter ended and all we could mumble was, "what the fu*k?! There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?" Oh. And, "SWEET! Aussie Rules on the ESPNs!".

The Optics Festival PengoSports almost missed.

At least PengoSports found the game and watched one massively great 4th quarter. The Tigers, down by 33 points late in the 3rd, fought back to take the game over the Swans, 89-85.

A cracker of a 4th quarter between the Tigers and the Swans

A Richmond player, Andrew Collins, was knocked out cold, had his teammates try to pick him up and get yelled at by the trainers to set him back down, and then the trainers picked him up and helped him stumble, Otis the Drunk style off the pitch. A couple of minutes later he appeared out of no where (the grave?), and caught a mark near the goal and quickly kicking a 6 to put the Tigers in a position to win the game. Quite refreshing after all the soccer handbag antics that we've been watching.

Sleeping. Soon to be awake and scoring goals

Think of all the poor footy fans in this great country missing out on the perfect Independence Day opener because no one bothered to inform them. So a great big PengoSports screw you to the bastards at the ESPN's and AFL (oh there is a live game on next Friday, July 9th, at 10:00 pm on ESPN2. Geelong take on Hawthorn as the push for the finals heats up.).

An angry mob out to get ESPN2 and the AFL

Well. That's that.

Dear Denver Broncos,

Thank for the choke job. Thanks a whole hell of a lot you worthless bastards! At least now we don't have to watch your epic destruction on a playoff level. We only had to watch, with bleached eyes, the last ten weeks of monumental suckatude. So congrats losers! Have a great off-season! You've had a lot of practice doing a whole bunch of nothing lately.

Hey Broncos! Screw you!

The Raiders? No one has to try against the Raiders.

A great big screw you to the Denver Broncos for playing not to lose, kicking 4 field goals, and losing to the tard-tastic Raiders today!

Here are some cobras for your Christmas:

Bite bite my pretties! Start with that arrogant bastard Josh McDaniels and work your way down from there.

Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day

To honor the greatness and self-indulgence that is the Super Bowl, the Government of the United Nations of the World has declared February 1, 2009, A Salute to Illeism: Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day.

Illeism - The act of referring to oneself in the third person. Someone who practices illeism is an illeist. Adjective: illeistic. Etymology: From the Latin, "that man".

So, at your Super Bowl party, proclaim proudly your name, annoy your friends and let the world know the joys of irritating speech and become the illeist that you've always wanted to be.