Broncos v 49ers

Tired of watching baseball? Never fear! Crappy preseason football is back tonight as the Broncos travel to San Francisco to play their starters a couple of plays and then it's "ON WITH THE SCRUBS!"  Watch LIVE on KKTV Channel 11 at 700pm MDT.

Denver Bronco scrubs doing what they do
after the starters go off to take a powder.

If you want to attending this meaningless game in person tickets are going for between $85-$485 through the 49ers and Ticketmaster (but on StubHub, which is NOT the official reseller of the NFL tickets, they are going for the low, low price of $33-$195. So much better. Not). Kay-riste! The NFL and all of its minions are a bunch of assholes for charging this kind of scratch for shitty football. But if you want your season tickets you got to pay for the preseason. Oh, and build us a stadium, oh and give us some more billionaire welfare or else we'll be forced to move to Los Angeles. Eat a bowl of dicks moneybags. 

Order up! Bowl of Dicks for the rich guys!

Well. I feel better now. Guess I have a few anger issues to work out before the real season begins.

Summer of Manning - LIVE BRONCOS BLOG

BRONCOS! WOOOO! preseason.

Time to hunt us some preseason bears!

Welcome to the GRUDGE MATCH! Culter v McDaniels some new Broncos in exciting pre-season football action!. LIVE BLOG NOW!

Your announcers for tonight are Eddie Mac and Dave Logan.
And a lion.

632 pm - Eddie McCaffrery is on the air! And looks like he's going to hurl! Mid-season form for the new guy in the booth!

636 pm - Logan is babbling. We are already looking for the mute button. 

638 pm - No Cutler. Damn. He's still recovering from giving birth to a baby earlier this week. Congrats Jay! 

640 pm - Eddie is quite uncomfortable. Reminds me of Garth Algar.

"Did you ever see that "Twilight Zone" where the guy signed
a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar
and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated
and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?"

644 pm - Hey! The new receivers drop the ball just like the old receivers!

646 pm - Manning suprised them with the imfamous 'Bronco Suck'. Complete off of a shitty pass.

647 pm - #87 Eddie Mac with the catch!?

#87. Eddie Mac 2 Electric Boogaloo

650 pm - 3 and a lot and Eddie Mac 2 again! Oh. It's Eric Decker. Sorry should have researched better cared.

652 pm - O-line looking good. Or is it that Manning is just that awesome that he can't be hit?

653 pm - Catch the fu*kin' ball Stokley! INT. Manning's night might be over (as might be offensive portion of PengoSports' LIVE BLOG).

Is Manning better than Tebus?
Only time will tell. Only. Time. Will. Tell.

655 pm - We have a Brandon Marshall sighting. Plus Elvis Dumervil just pulled a gun in the backfield and was penalized 15 yards. What a criminal. 

659 pm - FUMBLE!!! Von Miller down to the Bears' 6! 

700 pm - Henie is in. Manning is out. His final numbers, 4/7 for 44 yards and aa pick. Looked human, or like someone that hasn't played a game in quite a while. The good news is he wasn't touched. We'll do a post-game wrap so come back after the game and GO BRONCOS!

She seems to be hiding another couple
of 'footballs' under her sweater.

UPDATED 940 pm -31 - 3! Holy Hell! Your Denver Broncos, champions of the 1st game of the preseason of the world! Just quit now and fans everywhere will wonder what could have been with a team that just had the greatest preseason performance in the history of man or ape! Get these boys to the Olympics!

In the world of bear-baiting these Bears
didn't put up much of a fight.
I want my money back!

Review - 

• Manning was rusty, but better than Tebus
• the defense has a chance to be more okay than last year
• Elvis Dumervil was caught committing a couple of crimes
• Hanie is an okay backup (as long as he doesn't have to play)
• Brock Osweiler looks like he has a future against the 3rd/4th string
• Eddie Mac is better at color commentary than he is at small talk
• The Broncos have some good young running backs
• The Bears really, really, really sucked

Night all!

Are You Ready For Some Football?!

Canadian football tonight!

Are you ready for some CFL football football? Yup! It's that time of year again. The 2012 season opens tonight with the Saskatchewan Roughrider vs. the Hamilton Tiger-Cats at 500pm and then the Winnipeg Blue Bomber vs. the BC Lions at 800pm! Watch both games LIVE on ESPN3.com!

Oh Canada! Just look at them Blue Bombers march down the field!

Manning to Broncos? UPDATED

Reports are beginning to percolate that the Broncos are interested in Peyton Manning and that Jacksonville is offering a 2nd and 5th for the Tebus. Fingers crossed here at PengoSports.  

UPDATED - Liars! Seems that every team is going to get Peyton. Dolphins, Redskins and Jets highest on the bullsh*t list. 

UP-UPDATED - Yes. We know how the story ended. Superbowl? Ha. They are still the Broncos. Even without Tebus they will screw it up.

Someone Doesn't Like The Tebow

Tebowing (vb) the act of calling attention to oneself while supposedly giving glory to a higher power.

From a few weeks back in the Hooters' men's room (over urinal #3). Seems someone didn't like Tim Tebow, or at least this photo of Tebow:

Look out! Something is trying to get in your mouth!
Pray it away! Pray it away!

The Big Guy is not amused.

Now let's wander into the sunset with some images from the PengoSports Tebowing gallery:

Tebowing

Tebowing after killing a great, big snake

A cowboy Tebowing 
but still ready to come up guns-a-blazin'!
 

A Catholic "Tebowing". Nice try Papist!

Poor kids would like to watch the Tebow 
but can't afford a TV (or a place to live).

Matthew 6:6 - But you, when you pray, enter into your room, 
and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly. 

TOUCHDOWN! YES! BRONCOOOOOOOOS!

 

 

Tiger Woodses at the Football

Watching the UFL, that new football league no one knew was around and will be gone before we know it, and noticed the refs all bought their outfits from the Tiger Woods Sunday Collection (and the teams seem to have found theirs at some kind of award show that portrays football as the gayest thing ever).

The kick is up...

...and it's good!

Watch the UFL on Versus before it's gone, and it will be gone soon. By the way, the game was the California Redwoods (who have no red in their uniforms), coached by Denny Green vs Las Vegas Locomotives, called the Locos (insane? We guess that is apt for a Vegas team) and coached by Jim Fassel. The Locos went all batsh*t crazy on the Redwoods and defeated them 30-17 in front of a couple of thousand people in a game that was not half bad. If fact, it was better than a lot of NFL games (unless watched on NFL RedZone where there are no bad games).

PengoSports gives the UFL a thumbs up if you have nothing better to do on a Thursday night after watching the Avs choke a third period lead and lose their first game of the season.

UFL Football Excitment Action Fun-Fest Supergaza!

NFL RedZone!

Yeah to the NFL RedZone channel.

Hey football junkies! NFL RedZone, every touchdown, every score, is on Colorado Springs Comcast channel 185! This channel is too sweet but you need to have the Sports Package, $5.00 a month, to get the goodness.

You get not only the scores, but it's a channel of cut ins! It takes all of that hard work out of channel surfing. You just sit back and they surf for you showing you all the good parts! Rock on!

Livin' the good life!

Hootenanny Roundup Spectacular

Since the Pengos that be have been slackin', here is a roundup of what we've missed while making the world safe for bananas, banana tycoons and banana related freaks everywhere:

Broncos Update: Jebus fu*king christmas! What the Wide, Wide World of Sports is going on here?!

1. Josh McDaniels - You go boy! It takes a child to show Bronco fans that a TEAM is not made by one player (unless that player be named John Elway, praise be his name). PengoSports had its doubts about the boy wonder but his first few months on the job helped to open our collective eyes, and he will be the man and the team will be alright. 9-7 in 2009, really tough schedule, but the future looks bright. TEAM, that's a crazy as*ed concept. There is no "I" in team, but there is a "M" and an "E". Speaking of which...

2. Jay Cutler - Hey as*hole! Fu*k you! Fu*k you and that douche bag of an agent, Bus Cook! What the hell kind of name is Bus? Culter and Cook handled this whole affair with such class and reserve. "They were talking about me." "My coach does not love me." "McDaniel touched me in my bad place." Chrispts! Maybe we overlooked your whining because we hoped you were the next Elway, but you're not Elway! Your not even Plumber! You are just a worthless little bitch that let Phillip Rivers and half the league get into your tiny, bitch skull and have not won jack since high school! Just shut the fu*k up! Good luck with the Bears. We all know how gentle those fans are with little bitch quarterbacks (see Rex Grossman). Oh. Cook was Farve's agent and we all saw how that sh*t circus turned out last Summer. Good luck with that too Jay.

3. Pat Bowlen - WTF?! It took you long enough to step up and take back your team. Within a day is saying "Cutler is outta here," Cutler was out of there. You are getting closer to being allowed to wear that nancy-boy coat of yours. Keep it up and you'll be pretty on the sidelines by December.

Avalanche Update: You cannot even lose properly!

It was a rough season. First you went with two sh*tty goalies. Then you signed a bunch of third-liners. Then everyone got hurt. Then the season went down the sh*tter. Yeah. That kind of season. At least they showed Giguere the door and now are just waiting for Granado's (a good guy but not the coach for the Avs) turn.

The team had a chance to finish in the bottom two, but screwed it up in the last couple of weeks by playing with pride and grinding out some unneeded points. While it was good to see them skate to the tape it would have been nice to suck and pick up Victor Hedman, the 6'7" 227 Swedish D man, with the 2nd pick.

PengoSports picks the Bruins over the Blues in the Cup Final in 6 games.


Los Nuggets update: We really don't like the basketball but good for them and whatever they do. As long as the Lakers and Celtics don't win it all the world will be a better place.


Rubgy: The Churchill Cup is coming to Denver in June!

A six nation, USA, Canada, Argentina, Ireland, Georgia (the country, not the state) and England will compete at Infinity Park and Dick's June 6-21. Tickets will be cheap. The violence will be fun. And we will get to watch the US get thumped by a bunch of Pengo countries that can't beat us in anything else (except Canada with hockey, Ireland in drinking, Argentina in rioting, England in inbreeding and Georgia in whatever the fu*k they do well).

Tickets are suppose to be on sale at Tickethorse.com now but are not. That's always a good sign. Still when they do go on sale buy them and enjoy the rugby.