Pengos of Fame

Is PengoSports Broncos' Ring of Fame worthy? Hell! PengoSports is EVERY DAMN HALL OF FAME WORTHY!

Thank you. Thank you. And random balloons
shopped onto our picture?
THANK YOU Broncos!

New Mile High Stadium has never looked classier...Hey! Look! Peyton Manning just got picked again.

Manning spots the open defender...

What the Hell Did I Just Watch?

This commercial has been around for a while but is is now in heavy rotation on the ESPNs during their EURO 2012 coverage. Enjoy:

 
The Rehabilitator - SonoSite Hand-Carried Ultrasound for MSK.

Just why this needs mass-advertised stymies the mind.

Now I've see a few commercials in my day. I've seen some damn good ones and I've seen plenty of sh*tty ones too. The Rehabilitator is one of the latter. This is a whole new level of CRAP. Let's break it down: 

Terrible, worthless commercial, but props to the advertising company that sold this concept to SonoSite. Takes some balls to push for this project!

You Suck Field at Mile High

Invesco Field at Mile High. Sports Authority Field at Mile High. Greedy Clueless Bast*rds Field at Mile High. Choke on a Bowl of D*cks Field at Mile High. Take you pick. They all suck. Suck donkeys (see what we did there?).

Bears Stadium was build in 1948 to house Denver's minor league baseball team the Bears and thus, correctly named, Bears Stadium. The Broncos were born in 1960 and played in Bears Stadium while usually playing like dogs until 1969 when the city of Denver took over the facility and it was re-named Mile High Stadium (cause, you know Denver is a mile above sea level and when you hear the name mentioned you think of Denver and not an investment fund, or a sporting goods store). From that date until the venue's last game in December of the 2000 season the Broncos had the pretty impressive home record of 171-68-5 for a .711 winning percentage. After which they move into a bigger, and crappier stadium named Invesco Field at Mile High and began the long downward slide into suck once again.


What we can surmise from this is that unless the Broncos play in a stadium named Mile High, and only Mile High, they will be losers. Well, at least they won a couple of Super Bowls back in the day. Thanks for that, for whatever that's worth as*holes.

1968. Bears Stadium. Just a year before the birth of Mile High

South Stands, check. West Stands, check. The rest? Not just yet.

It would be nice if they, the Stadium District and the Broncos, had not whored out and sold the naming rights. The people in the six county district did pony up quite a bit of dough to build the fu*ker so it should have been named what THEY wanted.

 Not quite an Angry Mob. More of a Dissatisfied Mass.

Cobras Get McDaniels

(Here is the PengoSport take on Shanahan's firing in December of 2008. It pretty much works as written for McDaniels except for a few bits here and there):

In a stunning development the Denver Broncos owner, Pat Bowlen, pushed Mike Shanahan Josh McDaniels into a cobra pit on Tuesday afternoon effectively ended his reign as head coach, king and chief fu*k up of the under-performing team .

Shanahan lead the Broncos to two Super Bowl titles in his 14 year tenure as coach, but floundered greatly after his personal muse, and the franchise's true leader, John Elway retired in 1999. The "Mastermind" tried to deflect blame for years by hiring and firing countless coaches and signing and cutting so many worthless players that the team became a metaphor for choking down the stretch (they really Broncoed that ending!). McDaniels won a few games to start and then spiraled into a vortex of suck so bad that he was fired before the end of his 2nd season.

We fans thank Coach Shanahan McDaniels for the Super Bowl wins nothing but and it was time for a change. Sorry it had to be cobras but you had been warned throughout the season so cobras it was. Good luck with the Browns, or Jets, or Chiefs, or Lions, or wherever the Patriots (just don't start winning at Mile High once you are gone you bastard! You made such a nice habit of losing there the last few years).

Now a note to Pat Bowlen, don't fu*k this up! Spend the coin and hire Cowher! Give him the control he wants and get him in here! Shananhan was a pretty good coach McDaniels was a pretty bad coach and if you try to replace him with some worthless college fu*k or a has-been piece of sh*t NFL retread you can just go ahead and get fu*ked! OK? Thank you. As*hole (Invesco Field. You'll always be a cu*t for that one. Make it Cowher and Mile High and you can wear that girl-coat of yours again and we promise not to make fun of you rich ass. I mean it, we promise!).

Hey Josh! Try Some ex-lax, I Hear It Gives You the Runs

So those fu*k-tard-tastic Denver Broncos won a game. Wooooooo! PengoSports had a post planned for last Sunday titled, "A Sunday of Suck", to discuss the Broncos and Rockies incredible day, but the booze from the Grand Final Party was still having it's way with us. So you have to settle for a bitch filled rant about a pretty good win. Here we go...

Peyton Hillis running in Cleveland's juggernaut offense.

RUN! FORREST! RUN! Dammit! We said run! Don't just fall down now! RUN! Sh*t.

Moreno, Malrony, Buckholder, White, Humphries, Wilhite, Keyworth, anyone? ANYONE? To be fair it doesn't look like the O-line could run block their way out of an old-folks home. Granted they were giving Orton good protection, WERE! 6 sacks later and all we can say is, "YOU SUCK!".

Even with no one on defense this running play lost 3 yards.

The Broncos are 2-2, but could easily be 4-0, 3-1 or 1-3 (thanks to the Seahawks for being so bad that everyone can look back on that game and say it could only have been a win).

Dying of heat exhaustion in Jacksonville. The Tebow was not the college flavored Timbo, but the new and not so great pro-version and could do nothing. Loss. Should have won, but loss. Denver does not play well in Florida.

Win against Seattle.

Indy. Indy. Indy. Chr*st! They had that no good bastard Manning dead and buried and let him go by butchering nearly every attempt in the RedZone (still the best channel in the history of mankind!). ARRRRRRGGGH!

Tennessee. It was a good win. Hopefully it super-pissed off that cheap-shot team, their cheap-shot teaching coaches (middle-finger to everyone!) and their hillbilly fans:

Titan's D-Coordinator, Chuck Cecil, counts to one
( and pays out $40,000).

Now it's on to Baltimore and them murderin' thug Ravins. Um. This will be a loss, there will be no running game again and Kyle Orton will probably die. Rock on Broncos! Rock on!

Hey. It's the Ravin's D just a waitin' for Kyle Orton.

Well. That's that.

Dear Denver Broncos,

Thank for the choke job. Thanks a whole hell of a lot you worthless bastards! At least now we don't have to watch your epic destruction on a playoff level. We only had to watch, with bleached eyes, the last ten weeks of monumental suckatude. So congrats losers! Have a great off-season! You've had a lot of practice doing a whole bunch of nothing lately.

Hey Broncos! Screw you!

The Raiders? No one has to try against the Raiders.

A great big screw you to the Denver Broncos for playing not to lose, kicking 4 field goals, and losing to the tard-tastic Raiders today!

Here are some cobras for your Christmas:

Bite bite my pretties! Start with that arrogant bastard Josh McDaniels and work your way down from there.

Count 'em Out!

Oh, whatever will the poor Denver Broncos do? Drive off a cliff? Ram into a tanker truck and explode? Or just quietly run out of gas, coast to a stop on the side of the road and wait for the off season to arrive in the Wait-till-Next-Year tow truck? Let's take a look-see!

1, 2, 3...The Broncos' season is finishing like the career of a fat, old boxer who knows nothing else so he keeps fighting and keeps getting his ass kicked and keeps getting more brain damaged. It is sad. It is embarrassing. It is the Broncos. Enough said.

San Diego leads 24-6 at the half and only need another 10 points to cover my prediction of winning by 28. The defense is the defense and has not stopped the Chargers. The offense looked good on the first drive (let's script the first 15 plays, but the game is not 15 plays long and the Broncos usually look like sh*t after the script is finished), but terrible ever since the missed extra point. It will be a long 2nd half, a long off season and a long 2009 season. At least we still have the Rockies (wait. They'll suck too.).

Holy sh*t! They are not staying down (Stay down Rock! Stay down!). Bell scores on the opening drive of the 2nd half (was it scripted? Why can't you just script the whole fu*king game!?) to make it 24-13. Maybe there's a chance? Maybe? Nawwww! L.T. just ran for a hatfull of yards and the Chargers are looking to score again. And they do. Sproles walks through the non-existent Denver defense and it is 31-13.

Interception! Another S.D. L.T. T.D.! 38-13! Almost to 28! Come on! Dammit! Denver touchdown. 38-21. Another Chargers T.D.! Hell! I was close enough! Pay me my moneys! And choke on it Denver. Choke on it just like you choke on everything else. I won't even waste a cobra on this one. The cobras have suffered enough. Pray for the cobras. Pray hard.

OK. Denver tried. At least they can say that. Tried like Poland in 1939. 52-21. That covers my 28, plus 3! Whoopee! Now they can look forward to next year with their own Nevil Chamberlain firmly entrenched as head coach. Shanahan has brought us "peace in our time" because there will be no playoff berth. No ass-whuppin' at the hands of the Colts. No more disappointment. No more hope. No more season. Just peace and lots of time to think about how bad this team has been since Elway retired. Fu*k.

Great season ya bastards!

Let's Flush This Turd of a Season!

Just a word to the Denver Broncos from a long time fan and long time bit*cher, FU*K YOU! You worthless, dogsh*t eating, hope raping, only you could screw up a sure thing motherfu*kers! DIE! Move to a third world country, catch a rare and disgusting disease, suffer greatly and DIE a slow painful death! There, I said it and I feel a bit better. Now if only they would go ahead and do it I would feel a whole lot better. So get going. Go on! GO!


Buffalo? Fu*king Buffalo? Figures. Oh, how do you lose? Let me count the ways:

1. First it was the Chiefs. A team that had won once in like three years! And they kicked the sh*t out of you!
   
2. Jacksonville. We didn't know how bad they would suck this year so it wasn't so bad, but it was at home (nothing like that old Invesco Magic!).
   
3. Then to get bitch-slapped in New England, that's OK, but it was to a high school quarterback, and on national TV, still it was the Patriots and they cheat so what could you expect.
   
4. The fu*king Dolphins? At home?! They may be good now but they were the 1-15 Dolphins from last year when you played them. Christ!
5. The Raiders. The fu*cking Raiders! G*d Damn fu*king Raiders! You got schooled, at co*ksmoking Invesco, to the G*d Damn, fu*cking Raiders! Eat sh*t Shanahan.
6. Panthers on the road. Not a problem. They were better than you and it is a game that would have been a surprise to win. Still, you win this game and the division would have been yours.
7. Buff-a-fu*king-lo! At home. After a 13-0 lead. Oh my fu*king G*d! As*holes! As*holes!! As*holes!!! CHOKE!
   
8. San Diego. I see the future and I am taking the Chargers and giving 28 points. The revenge game to end all revenge games. It will be ugly like the 55-10 Superbowl loss to the 49ers.
   

So, there it is. Another season pissed away. Another year as a fan that started with so much hope only to have the bastards that the Denver Broncos come along and crap all over our holiday festivities.


Oh, if the Broncos do somehow pull a win out of their collective asses against the Chargers they would get the Colts, and Peyton Manning, in the first round of the playoffs. How scary do you think that defeat would be?

Thanks for a great season you cu*ts.

It's Raining Cobras! Hallelujah!

Will the Broncos lose to the Lions? Even though they are not scheduled to play them? You betcha! First it was the Chiefs. Then the Raiders. Only Detroit could top those embarrassments. And if any team could lose the trifecta it would be the beloved Denver Broncos. The game would be like an anti-superbowl. People would have to pay not to watch it. Advertisers would pay not to have their products associated with it. It would be brilliant! Just think of how horrible a Broncos Lions game would be. Just think of how much money could be made unselling the contest! It would be be true Hell! We'd just need to have Todd Christensen broadcast it to make it unperfect! Game on!

Yesterday's game kept me on the edge of my seat (I kept getting up to leave of the room. It saved me from destroying my TV). Thank God for soccer and Canadian football or I would have gone mental. Jebus (Brett Farve)! Not only did the Broncos get thumped by a team that couldn't find its ass from a hole in the wall, but they did not seem to give a sh*t in the process. A new low in a season of new lows.


Have I given up on them? That's the problem. No, I still root for the worthless fu*kers. I can't stop! Every week I tell myself to do something else. Eat some paste. Torture the cats. Make the world a better place (HA! Or at least go on the sauce for the day and hope not to remember any of it). Is there a twelve step program for sh*tty sports teams that you can't make yourself stop supporting? Please say there is and email me the phone number.

So, anyways, I'll be in front of the TV next week watching the Jets and Jebus himself (Brett Farve) tearing Denver a new one and digging the new low pit even lower.

I hope the cobras get every last one of the Broncos while they're down there.


Bastards.

Broncos and Dolphins! Feel the Excitement!

Welcome to the live blog of this crap game. It will be intermittent because I want a Big-Gulp and know that I can't deal with watching this whole crap-fest.

2:10 pm - Cutler throws a pick. Wow. What a surprise. I wonder if that was in the Mastermind's script.

2:13 pm - Defense does not give up the early TD! DOLPHINS FIELD GOAL. MIAMI 3 - DENVER 0.

2:15 pm - 3rd and 5 and Jackson runs without the ball! The bye-week has really helped. Great punt by Kern. At least they have that going for them...

2:19 pm - Brown runs wild! That famed Denver defense is back! And a defensive holding penalty to boot! That's just super.


2:22 pm - Offsides! Chri*st! You worthless basta*rds! If your heads were any farther up you as*es they'd be coming out of your mouths.

2:26 pm - 3rd and 4. Pennington with lots-o-time, the defense seems to be watching, and he completes it for an easy 1st down.

2:28 pm - Miami is 1 for 32 in these 3rd and long situations...seems like something's got to give...suckhole offense v suckhole defense...and the defense wins this round! DOLPHINS FIELD GOAL - MIAMI 6 - DENVER 0.

2:33 pm - Cutler is picked again! F*ck! TD DOLPHINS. MIAMI 13 - DENVER 0.
Jeez! What the hell are you looking at Jay?

2:35 pm - Royal With Cheese! You go Eddie! Just keep it away from Cutler for a while. Run! Run!! Run!!! No passes. Ya hear?

2:37 pm - OK. Pass it to the Cheese. TD BRONCOS! YESSSSSSSS!!!!! ABOUT FRICKEN TIME! MIAMI 13 - DENVER 7.


2:42 pm - Defense steps it up big time! Way to go you worthless fu*ks!

2:45 pm - And the Denver offense goes three and out. Well played you pukes.

2:48 pm - END OF THE 1st QUARTER. MIAMI 13 - DENVER 7. What kind of crap are we watching?

2:50 pm - Big sack Scrooge! Let's get it going O!

2:52 pm - 2 for 2 for Cutler in the 2nd. Maybe he had too much sugar or something?

2:54 pm - Cutler is sacked. Strike the above post. That boy ain't right today.

2:57 pm - My last drive of the half. This game is making me physically sick. I'll come back and blog the 4th quarter, or at least part of it. Go defense! Do something.

3:00 pm - Ted Ginn almost breaks it. Defense. When I said, "do something" I meant do something GOOD! And by Good I meant good for the Broncos.

3:01 pm - YEAH! FU*CK YEAH! Try that Ronny Brown, Wildcat, trick sh*it with a team with a real defense. The Broncos can't stop real plays, but the trick ones? They are all over those! So suck it Miami!

3:03 pm - See ya in the 4th! I suggest watching something else or drinking like a booze hound until them.

4:30 pm - A Big Gulp and some stove top popcorn, life is pretty good. Except for the score, MIAMI 19 - DENVER 10.

4:32 pm - Was that interference penalty on Marshall the most horsesh*t call you have seen for quite a while? Karma truly is a bitch. The officials suck.

4:33 pm - WOW! What a catch! Go Hillis! That kid is a stud.

4:35 pm - Back to the sh*tty officiating...How about that fat bastard of a coach for Miami. Is he an obese Bill Cowher, or what? Fu*k him.


4:36 pm - Interference. Yes! TD to Peyton Hillis! MIAMI 19 - DENVER 17. THAT WAS QUICK. Keep it up. Come on now defense. It is time to earn your keep.

4:44 pm - Well. They are not earning their keep. They fu*king suck! Good God! How bad can professional football players and their coaching staff be? I think we are looking at it.

4:45 pm - A sack and a hold! Yes! Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then!

4:48 pm - 3 and 19 and they let a screen to Brown go for close to a 1st down? The coaching staff is the problem. Retards! Stop them on this 4th and short! Come on you fools! Sh*t. 1st down. Even with a bad spot. He had it easy.

4:52 pm - Some one with a pair of balls could think to pass on 1st down in that situation Dierdoff. Football is filled with Neanderfu*ks like you who could not think their through an open door.

4:54 pm - Complete to the Ganja Man himself at the 3. Game over. Oh, TD for Brown. MIAMI 26 - DENVER 17. Game really over. Jebus! This team has yet to step it up in a game this season. The officials have for them, but they can't do it for themselves.

4:58 pm - People are playing good money to go to a lousy NFL game while the teams and the league keep blowing their own horns on how great this game is. Really? Great? I'm lucky to watch 3 great games a year. Now last night's Texas Tech v Texas game was great! Today we could watch Green Bay and Tennessee bore us to death with an overtime "thriller"; Dallas get crap kicked (not necessarily a bad thing) by the Giants or this dogsh*t telecast of this pair of laviathans. Thank you National Football League. You are just a couple of years from becoming the NBA. Congratulations.

5:05 pm - Marshall just rocked that dback! He pussed out on the catch, but did rock the dude!

5:09 pm - What's that sound coming from Denver? That is the sound of sucking and it is louder that ever. MIAMI 26 - DENVER 17.

THE DENVER BRONCOS PRACTICE FOR THE OFFSEASONBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way Broncos players and coaches, don't forget to pick up your cobras before you leave the stadium. They are free and love to ride loose in your car! Just keep poking and annoying them, they love that. Cute little cobras! Enjoy!

What the F#*k Just Happened?

Newman the Great and Paat the Fairly Average are asking the same question today, "What the f#*k happened to the Broncos last night?" That was the most pitiful, sad, pathetic performance from Our Fair Football Team in a very long time. Yes, it was worse than the thumping San Diego put on them at Mile High last year. The Chargers were awesome on both sides of the ball and healthy, while the Pats were beat up and ready for the knockout punch, but instead Denver revived New England's season and drove a stake through their own heart.

Cassel, Morris and Moss ran roughshod over the "new" 3-4 defense and made the Broncos look like the Chiefs (but not the Chiefs who whooped the sh*t out of Denver a few weeks back). Denver's offense looked confused and never had a chance after Cutler whacked his finger on the first play of the game. Stupid penalties, stupid running back and poor preparation lead to a wasted Monday night of crappy NFL football. I only watched the 1st half, so I want that hour and forty five minutes back you suck-holes! Denver Broncos Football Club, ESPN and NFL the invoice is in the mail.

On a positive note, the Avs won a gritty contest against the Kings in LA 4-2. With Budaj playing solid and Hejduk staying hot the Avs are looking like a team that might pull out a playoff berth. Let's go Avalanche!

And in college hockey, CC is #1 and DU (sucks) is # 2. Go Colorado hockey!



Until next time don't get too much Johnson. According to the poster it could mean trouble.

Live Blog! Broncos-Pats! MNF!

6:40 PM - Welcome to the live blog of the Broncos v Patriots Monday night matchup. Let's go Broncos-Please don't suck.

6:44 pm - 2nd and 6, nice toss Cutler! Hurt hand. Get over it! Yes! That's better-1st and 10.

6:45 pm - Nice run by Pittman. Keep mixing it up Shanahan.

6:46 pm - 3rd and 1-Nice! Keep pounding it. Let's make this a hell weekend for the Boston sports fans. Go Red Sox! That'll teach ya to beat the Rockies!

6:51 pm - Dammit Hall! Hang on the the Ball! You don't have to pretend to study. You don't have to kiss up to alums. You just have to play football and if you are a skill player you have to HOLD ON TO THE BALL!

6:53 pm - Time to see if the defense is up to the task of stopping a crippled New England team. So far, so good. The D comes out sucking! Way to go guys! 4-3. 3-4. 11-0. It does not matter. You suck!

6:55 pm - Hey! They might throw to that Moss guy! I hear he's pretty good. You might want to cover him. Just a thought.

6:56 pm - A Sack! What the hell are they thinking?! Pressure the QB? Now that's an idea.


6:57 pm - "We're going to talk about Tom Brady a lot..." No shit. Now if you could just work Brett Farve into the conversation...FIELD GOAL IS UP AND GOOD - PATS 3 - BRONCOS 0.

6:59 pm - Class DirectTV commercial. Dead girl shilling a product.

7:05 pm - BENCH HIM! SEND HIM TO THE LOCKER ROOM! TELL HIM TO GO HOME! F@*KIN' HALL!

7:08 PM - Come on D! 3rd & 10! Yes! Nice defense. Now miss it! NOPE-IT'S UP AND GOOD. PATS 6 - BRONCOS 0.

7:11 pm - Hall on the return. Way to stand him behind Shanahan. When he fumbles again, because he's thinking about it, you can join him on the long walk home.


7:13 pm - Belichick is one weird-looking dude...Nice pass suck hole!

7:15 pm - And the defense ends the 1st quarter the way it began, by playing flag football.

END OF 1st QUARTER - NEW ENGLAND 6 - DENVER 0.

7:18 pm - Morris runs wild, or Denver can't tackle. G*d Dammit!

7:19 pm - Nice sack Cassel. Why are they trying to throw when the Denver defense can't stop the run? Again, why throw? Cassel can only hurt you, but we'll take it.

7:23 pm - Pittman gains 6. Nice start. Keep mixing it up. Nice toss to Marshall, but wait, he pushed off - HORSESH*T! What a crappy call! Jebus! Just make them wear skirts.

7:26 pm - Culter try to get injured and a flag. Great job guys! Talk about a team not ready to play. Shanhan needs to shoot someone a halftime, not to kill just to wound, and I nominate Hall.

7:30 pm - Pass to Moss and a huge run by Morris. At least they suck on both sides of the ball. Special teams isn't too bad so far.

7:31 pm - Cassel does not have one of those clocks in his QB head that tells him to get rid of the ball. That could help later in the game. And Watson just used a couple of Bronco d-backs.

7:33 pm - STOP 'EM! 4th and goal. Come on! Well. That was easy. TOUCHDOWN - NEW ENGLAND 13 - DENVER 0. Morris, 11 carries for 106 yards. That a 9.6 average.

7:36 pm - If this keeps up I'm bagging it a the half. The Broncos quit before the game started so I can quit then. Score now or lose me to beer.


7:41 pm - Penalty. Incomplete. Dart to Royale with Cheese! 1st and 10!

7:44 pm - Go White Guy, go! Keep it moving, but not with a sweep. 3rd and 3. Loooooonnngggg pass, picked. Perfect! Just perfect. Beer here I come.

7:46 pm - Culter maybe done. Like to join me for a beer? Looks like you'll have time. Patrick "Denver's taking a knee" Ramsey may be coming in.

7:49 pm- Wilborn. What a stupid penalty! Bench his ass! Fine his ass! Are you that dumb? You at least faked going to college so you should have learned something, didn't you?

7:50 pm - Bailey's hurt. 8 and 8 here we come! And another fu*king dead ball penalty! Jebus you a**holes!

7:51 pm - 2:00 warning. This half cannot end soon enough. What an effort. I could see players having this type of game if they had a second job, or were worried about paying the bills, but this is all they do and they get paid pretty well to do it.

7:54 pm - Nice stop! Someone's playing football! 4 & short. The Pats will go for it and make it and that will be that. At least Denver's made a couple of tackles of late.

7:56 pm - I am sorry to be correct. That was too easy. That was too sad. If I was Belichick I'd go for it every time.

7:57 pm - Touchdown to Moss. Brutal. Just brutal. New England 20 - Denver 0.

8:00 pm - :39 seconds to go. Ramsey's playing QB. What do yo do? PUNT! Aaaahhhh! They are throwing it! Complete and and dumb penalty on the Pats! Try to get a field goal! Think about the betting line!

8:01 pm - Shit*y pass and almost picked. Better pass and a 1st down at the 38. Time out with :25 seconds left.

8:03 pm - Ramsey's hit and turns it over. They only ending that fits. At least they sacked Cassel 5 times.

HALFTIME - NEW ENGLAND 20 - DENVER 0.

Well, I can't take any more. I will drink a tall one for you while I watch the Avs play the Kings at 8:30 pm.

Check back tomorrow as I wrap up last week's US Australian Football Nationals that I covered at the Air Force Academy. I will have pics and stories of a tent full of drunken Aussies.