#1 Sh*tty non-sport on ESPN

In a salute to ESPN and all of the crap, that is not sport, that they show, here is today's non-sport entry:

Eatting Competitions

This is the most non-sport of the non-sports. These competitions are like cock-fights, or dog fights, something you (Mike Vick) bet on in some dingy warehouse in the dark of night. An off putting, unsightly, nauseating, bizarre, fu*ked up kind of event that should be on Discovery Health and not ESPN.

This is the year that Fink beats the Stomach...

#2 Sh*tty non-sport on ESPN

In a salute to ESPN and all of the crap, that is not sport, that they show, here is today's non-sport entry:

Strong Man Competitions

Freaks! Fu*kin' freaks! What the Hell! If I need someone to toss a keg over a wall or carry my car to the gas station I'll know who to call, but God damn! Get off my late night ESPN. You're creeping me out!

I want to pump you up! (and freak you out!).

#3 Sh*tty non-sport on ESPN

In a salute to ESPN and all of the crap, that is not sport, that they show, here is today's non-sport entry:
Spelling Bees

Spelling is not a sport. These kids are not athletes. Put them on the Learning Channel with the other brainy freaks and leave the sports world to the dumb, criminally insane freaks.

"Who's ready for years and years of wedgies and ass-whoopins?!"

#4 Sh*tty non-sport on ESPN

In a salute to ESPN and all of the crap, that is not sport, that they show, here is today's non-sport entry:

Poker

It was interesting back when the Van Pattens, along with Gabe "Mr. Kotter" Kaplin, ruled the poker world with an iron fist, but now it is just boring.

All in my ass fancy lad!

#5 Sh*tty non-sport on ESPN

In a salute to ESPN and all the crap, that is not sports, that they show, here is today's non-sport entry:

Fishing, or Fishin'

Some people like to fish. Good for them. Watching people fish on TV? No thanks.

How bad would it smell to be there?

Fish you fools! Fish!