Murder at the Old Ball Yard! Murder Most Foul!

The other day, while attending the minor league baseball, PengoSports kinda, sorta witnessed a heinous attack on one of the River Cat relief pitchers. We didn't see the actual violence, but turned after hearing a sound of something wooden hitting something hard (perhaps an oaken cudgel whacking the player's head?) and noticed a player on the ground in the Sacramento bullpen writhing in pain, or something. We quickly snapped off a shot just in case CNN needed some proof and then went about our true passion, hunting for Sasquatches, and the next time we looked the player was gone. Probably dragged away by a Sasquatch, they are everywhere you know.

Let's breakdown the photographic evidence:

A. - The victim lying prone after the attack.

B. - The suspect making his sly escape.

C. - The shocked and appalled witnesses.

Find that kid in the grey shirt and we bet there's a bag of reward money waiting for you.

Now is the time to -

GUESS THAT HAIR:

Your choices are:

Bea Authur; John Maine; Alfredo Almezega; Josh Fields;

Brad Emaus; John Elway; Stu Cole; Troy Tulowitzki;
Willy Taveras; Stalin; Andrew Graham; Larry Fine;

Eliezer Alfonso; President Obama; Rex Brothers; Barbaro

you see me rollin they hatin

Next Time Let 'em See Your Face

How to catch a line drive in the left-center gap, by EY Jr:

First run real fast from center to the left-center gap.

When you get close, jump horizontally, like Superman, toward the ball.

Catch said ball (again, like Superman).

Find a nice soft place to land.

Congrats! You did it!

Does he make the catch!? YES!

(Say this out loud in a Marv Albert voice)

And to play us off, here is a big woman on the piano

being stalked by a couple of Lotharios.

Uniform. Unibrow.

Baseball is upon us so here is a press photo of Wally Moon, an old school player who had a pretty good career with the Cardinals and Dodgers in the 50's and 60's and also sported one of the all-time great unibrows in baseball history.

Almost Vulcan in his intensity and appearance.

His baseball cards are epic:

Eye-black for the tops of your eyes.

Stops the glare from the dirt and grass,
might just catch on.

Almost like he doesn't know it's there.

Like a prank taken to a whole other level.

We mean a whole, whole other level.

And now, for a bonus, PengoSports' favorite two baseball cards:

Keith Comstock's 'baseball to the groin' classic from 1989.

Bob Uecker's 'I'm batting left handed' wonder card.

One of the few cards in the PengoSports Vault.

The Perfect Shots!

Sports photography is all about being in the right place at the right time and being prepared for the shot. Well, well, well. If that is the case PengoSports just nailed these two!

Pretty sweet! It's all in the reflexes.

Well, this is a bit awkward. Is it Prostate Awareness Month?
(Number blurred to protect the innocent)

Lidsville!

"In the middle of the summer, in the middle of a park,
There began a great adventure for a boy whose name was Mark
He had come to see the magic man, along with all the children and
'twas so began the day that Mark was never to forget..."

New PengoSports feature, the "Hat-O-the-Homestand":

We will post several of the best hats from the ballyard each homestand and you, yes you, get to vote for the bestestess!

Here are our first two three! entries:

 A) The Tie-dyed Hipster in a Bear Bryant hat.

 B) The Human-Jack with black nails wearing an Angels' shirt.

C) Mr. Vandalized-Head! Wow! And out in public! 

Tough choice. Vote in the comments below.

Good luck and God speed...

"...If you have a chance to go-go there
You'll be glad you did, 'cause
Everybody who goes to Lidsville really flips his lid"

Quick Sherman! To the Wayback Machine!

Baseball is in the air! The Sky Sox open their season today and PengoSports would like to share this humble look back on the team's first incarnation in 1950.

Story and pictures from the
May 22, 1950 edition of Life Magazine

click on pics to embiggen

And because we care, here is a picture of a freaky totem:

I love to watch you sleep.

Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day

To honor the greatness and self-indulgence that is the Super Bowl, the Government of the United Nations of the World has declared February 6, 2011, A Salute to Illeism: Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day.

Illeism - The act of referring to oneself in the third person. Someone who practices illeism is an illeist. Adjective: illeistic. Etymology: From the Latin, "that man".

So, at your Super Bowl party, proclaim proudly your name, annoy your friends and let the world know the joys of irritating speech and become the illeist that you've always wanted to be.

Hockey Commercials - 3 Hella Great Ones!

New SportsCenter commerical: Ovie's a spy!

A couple of dancin' Sedins.


A classic. Simply a classic. If you've played you know the 'smell' all too well...

Hockey Fight with British Accents

Here is a full out hockey brawl in the UK Elite League:

Pretty good scrap!  And totally classed up with the British accents.  We love how the announcers direct the cameras to the action and deliver their harsh verdicts on the guilty.  Bra-vo gentlemen!  BRA-VO!

Cobras Get McDaniels

(Here is the PengoSport take on Shanahan's firing in December of 2008. It pretty much works as written for McDaniels except for a few bits here and there):

In a stunning development the Denver Broncos owner, Pat Bowlen, pushed Mike Shanahan Josh McDaniels into a cobra pit on Tuesday afternoon effectively ended his reign as head coach, king and chief fu*k up of the under-performing team .

Shanahan lead the Broncos to two Super Bowl titles in his 14 year tenure as coach, but floundered greatly after his personal muse, and the franchise's true leader, John Elway retired in 1999. The "Mastermind" tried to deflect blame for years by hiring and firing countless coaches and signing and cutting so many worthless players that the team became a metaphor for choking down the stretch (they really Broncoed that ending!). McDaniels won a few games to start and then spiraled into a vortex of suck so bad that he was fired before the end of his 2nd season.

We fans thank Coach Shanahan McDaniels for the Super Bowl wins nothing but and it was time for a change. Sorry it had to be cobras but you had been warned throughout the season so cobras it was. Good luck with the Browns, or Jets, or Chiefs, or Lions, or wherever the Patriots (just don't start winning at Mile High once you are gone you bastard! You made such a nice habit of losing there the last few years).

Now a note to Pat Bowlen, don't fu*k this up! Spend the coin and hire Cowher! Give him the control he wants and get him in here! Shananhan was a pretty good coach McDaniels was a pretty bad coach and if you try to replace him with some worthless college fu*k or a has-been piece of sh*t NFL retread you can just go ahead and get fu*ked! OK? Thank you. As*hole (Invesco Field. You'll always be a cu*t for that one. Make it Cowher and Mile High and you can wear that girl-coat of yours again and we promise not to make fun of you rich ass. I mean it, we promise!).

Hey Josh! Try Some ex-lax, I Hear It Gives You the Runs

So those fu*k-tard-tastic Denver Broncos won a game. Wooooooo! PengoSports had a post planned for last Sunday titled, "A Sunday of Suck", to discuss the Broncos and Rockies incredible day, but the booze from the Grand Final Party was still having it's way with us. So you have to settle for a bitch filled rant about a pretty good win. Here we go...

Peyton Hillis running in Cleveland's juggernaut offense.

RUN! FORREST! RUN! Dammit! We said run! Don't just fall down now! RUN! Sh*t.

Moreno, Malrony, Buckholder, White, Humphries, Wilhite, Keyworth, anyone? ANYONE? To be fair it doesn't look like the O-line could run block their way out of an old-folks home. Granted they were giving Orton good protection, WERE! 6 sacks later and all we can say is, "YOU SUCK!".

Even with no one on defense this running play lost 3 yards.

The Broncos are 2-2, but could easily be 4-0, 3-1 or 1-3 (thanks to the Seahawks for being so bad that everyone can look back on that game and say it could only have been a win).

Dying of heat exhaustion in Jacksonville. The Tebow was not the college flavored Timbo, but the new and not so great pro-version and could do nothing. Loss. Should have won, but loss. Denver does not play well in Florida.

Win against Seattle.

Indy. Indy. Indy. Chr*st! They had that no good bastard Manning dead and buried and let him go by butchering nearly every attempt in the RedZone (still the best channel in the history of mankind!). ARRRRRRGGGH!

Tennessee. It was a good win. Hopefully it super-pissed off that cheap-shot team, their cheap-shot teaching coaches (middle-finger to everyone!) and their hillbilly fans:

Titan's D-Coordinator, Chuck Cecil, counts to one
( and pays out $40,000).

Now it's on to Baltimore and them murderin' thug Ravins. Um. This will be a loss, there will be no running game again and Kyle Orton will probably die. Rock on Broncos! Rock on!

Hey. It's the Ravin's D just a waitin' for Kyle Orton.

Aussie Rules Explained!

Coming to watch the footy Grand Final? Unsure what Aussie Rules is all about? Well if PengoSports had only one image to explain the game this would be it:


Hope this helps. See you at the Grand Final party and enjoy the footy!