Eliezer Alfonzo Day!

On June 18, 2011 Sky Sox Stadium played host to Eliezer Alfonzo Day. The Venezuelan journeyman catcher was surprised by his best friend, and baseball mentor, Billy Ray Cyrus who serenaded him with a medley of Latin hits and then belted out the National Anthem in front a crowd of 5373 confused and bewildered fans.

International superstar Billy Ray Cyrus' 

is overshadowed by Alfonzo's magical grip 

on the adoring media.

Dreamy Billy Ray. Dreamy Eliezer.
Somebody has a couple of admirers.

 The onlookers were entertained with the 

traditional Venezuelan Silly-Hat Chair Dance.

Everyone joined in. 

Include members of the Sky Sox front office.

And here is the man of the hour, 

catcher/salsa dancer extraordinaire,

Aliezer Alfonzo!

FONZIE! FONZIE!! FONZIE!!!

He then wrasled a bear to close the ceremonies.

It was a night that will be long remembered by all that attended. We are all better people for having witnessed it.

Choking On Sherbert

The US Women should have studied 

this infograph before the game.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Et al. 1-0 in the 69th minute on a goal by Alex Morgan, from a beautiful pass by Megan Rapinoe (PengoSports' tourney MVP). Pissed away in the 81st when 3 US defenders panicked and gifted the ball to Japan's Aya Miyama who easily placed in the net and we were off to bonus/free soccer-time!

 

Will the next contestant for 
America's Sweetheart please step forward.

2-1 US, in the 104th minute of bonus soccer-time, on a Abby Wambach header off of great service from Morgan. But since it's soccer, and since it's FIFA, the awesomeness that would have been an incredible OT goal is crapped all over and we still have a minute in this added period and 15 MORE of the other added period to play and, of course, the US defense folded under the Japanese pressure and allowed the equalizer in the 117th, just 3 minutes from victory and thus denying the extra few minutes of fame tacked on to the usual 15 for women's soccer. 2-2 going to PK's. A feeling of FU*K! Is all over this.

P.K.'s

1st PK was dribbled weakly into the Japanese goalie. 0-0.

Goal Japan. 0-1.

2nd PK was up, and good! If it was an extra-point, which it wasn't. 0-1.

Japan kicks one into Solo. 0-1.

3rd PK rolls to a stop at the Japanese tender. 0-1.

Japan smokes one into the net. 0-2.

Wambach with blasts one in, and not with her head. 1-2.

Goal Japan. 1-3. And that was that.

A bit sexist to say they kick like girls, 

but they did kick like girls. Wee little girls.

The US team had more talent, better chances and controlled the game. But Japan didn't give a sh*t about any of that and responded every time and just won the game. They were the better team and deserved victory: 

 

Congratulations to Japan. 

Honorable winners and World Cup champions!

KONJOU - will-power, guts, temper, nature, spirt

 

Japan gets a thunderous welcome!
Hail to our glorious victors! 

DON'T BE LYING TO ME. UNDERSTAND?!

Colorado Springs Sky Sox hitting coach Rene Lachemann, best known for managing Mayaguez to a Caribbean World Series championship in 1978 (and maybe being involved in baseball for 46 years and, I believe, being the first major leaguer to wrestle with Satchel Paige during their time together with the Kansas City A's back in 1965) has a nice gimmick of giving a ball to the young ones before the Sox bat each inning. But in order to earn said ball the child must go through a traumatic interrogation.

Most kid's love it, but every once in a while one of them freaks a bit and 'Lach' takes it down a notch and talks the kid off the ledge.

DON'T BE LYING TO ME. UNDERSTAND?!

So find yourself some tickets to the outfield side of the Sox dugout, get them as low down as you can, and sit back and enjoy some fine baseball theater.

The man does NOT like him some cold

That's a Long Way From Your Legs Son.

Rockies super stud, 5 tool phenom Carlos Gonzalez crashed headlong into the center field wall after making a tremendous catch on Sunday. It looked like he could have injured his shoulder, wrist, knee and/or head. It was quite the collision, but the aftermath was just plain embarrassing. He was carted off, for a, wait for it, a contusion to his right wrist. Contusion is a fancy word for bruise and he needed a scooter ride off the field. We understand that in the shock and violence of the play he would need to take a moment to sort out the temporary from the 'oh sh*t this is really bad' pain, but after that time has passed and you realize ' yup, it's my wrist' you get up, and walk off the field to go and get the x-rays. You don't even have to keep playing with it. The Rockies have invested $80 million in you, and your career isn't worth not getting it checked, but unless there is a bone jutting out, never accept a ride off the field in that little cart.

Here are Cargo's teammates

helping him, and his wrist, up.

Here comes the 'meat wagon'.

click here to watch the video of the

catch/collision/roll off on MLB.com

Now let's compare that clip to PengoSports' all-time favorite hockey clip:

In the above video Toronto's Darcy Tucker pretty much destroys Philadelphia's Sami Kapanen about 7 minutes into overtime of game 6 in the 2004 Eastern Conference semi finals. Did Kamanen stay down? Call for the trainer? Ride off on a scooter? Hell no he didn't! He somehow wobbled, weaved and flopped himself back to the Flyers bench, keeping the play alive, and Philadelphia scored a couple of rushes later to clinch the series on the road.

The second video is the extended version with the hit, the post hit action and the game winning goal. The action part runs from 2:37-3:25. The Flyers total respect and awe for Kapanen runs from 3:48-4:27.

And back to Cargo:

There goes Carlos.

Off to Gate A46 and Atlanta.

Bye bye and see you in center in Tuesday Thursday.

This the only kind of cart you should

ever ride in on a baseball field

(And if you think that we here at PengoSports are just a bunch of insensitive bast*rds here is our story of a sports wrist injury: A long time ago one of us was cooling down from a game of inline hockey when a wheel got stuck in a gap in the cement court and down we went smack onto our right wrist. We felt a crunch and knew that wasn't good. When we tried to use the hand/wrist the fingers wouldn't grip and the wrist wouldn't bend. "Fu*k. we hope we only tore the ligaments," we whined and then got up, skated to the bench, and one-handed unlaced and took off our skates and the rest of our gear. We then shouted, "later" to the guys who were still playing and loaded our equipment into our sweet 1970 Volkswagen Bug. Shifting right handed was out, so we crossed shifted home and iced the living sh*t out of the wrist hoping the swelling would go down and that would prove it was only the ligaments. Alas, no such luck. A plate, a pin and seven screws later we had a newer, and much less useful right wrist. So screw you Cargo and your sissy-ride off the field).

Pain is just weakness leaving the body

Happy Father's Day!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Go get that prostate checked! NOW!

And, for a limited time only,
we promise they won't use a ball glove.

State of Origin 2 lived up to our vast expectations. NSW broke a four match losing streak to down the Maroons 18-8 to even this year's series. The decider is set for July 6th, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel.

Origin and Stanley Cup game 7 make for a happy Pengo

Speaking of Game 7, WOW! Tim Thomas just established the upper bar for how great a goalie can be in the finals. That performance will live in hockey history. And LuBrono? He may never recover (a lot like the reputation of the city of Vancouver. Most people thought it would be the ugly Americans tearing up Boston, nope. It was 'dem rascally Canadians).

The only Boston violence we noticed was at the Sky Sox game when a couple of Red Sox fans destroyed a chair in an on-field promotion. See the evidence below:

"Now cracks a noble heart.

Good-night, sweet prince plastic chair;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

The Boston hooligans

and the object of their spleen

Why couldn't they just pound on the mascot. You know, that worthless ba#tard who keeps ruining PengoSports' shots!

Something's happening on the other side of that leg

Stay out of my G#d-dammed shots or we're shipping you off to Vancouver with that G*d-dammed Finklestein sh%t kid! Son of a...

SWEET! Just SWEET!

Tonight! Well, Wednesday at 3:30 am, Queensland vs New South Wales at ANZ Stadium in Sydney in State of Origin 2! Set ye alarms ye scabs! Origin is here!

This Pirate Dude at the ballgame,

we guess, is an Origin fan

A huge PengoSports shout out to Russell Crowe, actor and the owner of the South Sydney Rabbitohs (PengoSports team of choice in the world of the National Rugby League), we Americans can now watch the State of Origin matches AND the NRL Grand Final, LIVE on Fox Soccer Channel (Comcast 125 in the 719).

Never experienced Origin? All we can say is WOW! If there is a more intense sporting spectacle PengoSports has not stumbled across it. Imagine the Super Bowl, World Series and NBA Finals rolled into the awesomeness of the Stanley Cup Finals plus a couple of monkey knife fights tossed in for good measure!

Origin game time 4:00 am, pre-game at 3:30 am. The Grand Final is on October 2nd. Pre-game to start at 330 am Mountain Time. Huzzah to Mr. Crowe! Huzzah indeed!

Thank you Mr. Crowe. Thank you.

And then, and then! Later Wednesday night, GAME 7. Boston. Vancouver. Hate. Cheap shots. A sieve. A stone wall. Punks. Greatness. The Stanley Cup will be awarded. What a series! What a playoffs! What a great sport is the hockey! PLUS! We guarantee a Lebron-Free experience (although is Luongo plays like he's in Boston he will become the Lebron of Canada).

GAME 7!

Rave on. Rave. On.

Murder at the Old Ball Yard! Murder Most Foul!

The other day, while attending the minor league baseball, PengoSports kinda, sorta witnessed a heinous attack on one of the River Cat relief pitchers. We didn't see the actual violence, but turned after hearing a sound of something wooden hitting something hard (perhaps an oaken cudgel whacking the player's head?) and noticed a player on the ground in the Sacramento bullpen writhing in pain, or something. We quickly snapped off a shot just in case CNN needed some proof and then went about our true passion, hunting for Sasquatches, and the next time we looked the player was gone. Probably dragged away by a Sasquatch, they are everywhere you know.

Let's breakdown the photographic evidence:

A. - The victim lying prone after the attack.

B. - The suspect making his sly escape.

C. - The shocked and appalled witnesses.

Find that kid in the grey shirt and we bet there's a bag of reward money waiting for you.

Now is the time to -

GUESS THAT HAIR:

Your choices are:

Bea Authur; John Maine; Alfredo Almezega; Josh Fields;

Brad Emaus; John Elway; Stu Cole; Troy Tulowitzki;
Willy Taveras; Stalin; Andrew Graham; Larry Fine;

Eliezer Alfonso; President Obama; Rex Brothers; Barbaro

you see me rollin they hatin

Next Time Let 'em See Your Face

How to catch a line drive in the left-center gap, by EY Jr:

First run real fast from center to the left-center gap.

When you get close, jump horizontally, like Superman, toward the ball.

Catch said ball (again, like Superman).

Find a nice soft place to land.

Congrats! You did it!

Does he make the catch!? YES!

(Say this out loud in a Marv Albert voice)

And to play us off, here is a big woman on the piano

being stalked by a couple of Lotharios.