Gack! What the Hell is That(s)?

What a home stand. We have been entertained by...

...the World Famous Tacoma Disc-O-Crats:

The only thing missing was a flying dog.

I shall throw...

...and I shall catch!

...then we had this thing showed up for a game...

Hey look, it's Teen Wolf!

Never mind. It's just Lame Wolf.

...and this thing...

Just askin' for a beatin'.

...and finally, this thing:

Holy Lord! Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Sweep us out of here Sandman!

You Suck Field at Mile High

Invesco Field at Mile High. Sports Authority Field at Mile High. Greedy Clueless Bast*rds Field at Mile High. Choke on a Bowl of D*cks Field at Mile High. Take you pick. They all suck. Suck donkeys (see what we did there?).

Bears Stadium was build in 1948 to house Denver's minor league baseball team the Bears and thus, correctly named, Bears Stadium. The Broncos were born in 1960 and played in Bears Stadium while usually playing like dogs until 1969 when the city of Denver took over the facility and it was re-named Mile High Stadium (cause, you know Denver is a mile above sea level and when you hear the name mentioned you think of Denver and not an investment fund, or a sporting goods store). From that date until the venue's last game in December of the 2000 season the Broncos had the pretty impressive home record of 171-68-5 for a .711 winning percentage. After which they move into a bigger, and crappier stadium named Invesco Field at Mile High and began the long downward slide into suck once again.


What we can surmise from this is that unless the Broncos play in a stadium named Mile High, and only Mile High, they will be losers. Well, at least they won a couple of Super Bowls back in the day. Thanks for that, for whatever that's worth as*holes.

1968. Bears Stadium. Just a year before the birth of Mile High

South Stands, check. West Stands, check. The rest? Not just yet.

It would be nice if they, the Stadium District and the Broncos, had not whored out and sold the naming rights. The people in the six county district did pony up quite a bit of dough to build the fu*ker so it should have been named what THEY wanted.

 Not quite an Angry Mob. More of a Dissatisfied Mass.

They Will Lay Their Babies In Your Brain

St. Louis Cardnals' left fielder, and a PengoSports personal favorite, Matt Holliday had a moth fly into his ear during the 8th inning of last night's game against the Dodgers. He left the field and they have to use a "utensil" to get the still living moth out of his ear (read about it here). 

Gaaaadds! We just know that thing laid eggs on his brain and Matt will be afflicted with the "crazy" for the rest of the season. And he is was one of the really good guys in pro sports. Now with the bug larvae crawling around in his head he'll probably turn out like the rest of the recently infected. You know, Carlos Zambrano and Albert Haynesworth.

Future Matt playing "left field"

Good luck Matt. Maybe your Crazy Train will turn out like Ozzy's (both Ozzy Osborn and Ozzie Guillen) and not Carlos' and Albert's.

On a related note, Sky Sox infielder Jorge Cantu had a large black widow egg sack on his neck in Sunday's game. We don't want to be around when that thing hatches. Having an advanced degree in Spiderology, we here at PengoSports have found that fire works the best on spiders. Lots and lots of fire. Oh, and screaming. Yeah, lots of that too.

Colonel Prime Time

Deion Sanders' Hall of Fame bust...

 ...looks like it was carved by Cho Man Chin from M*A*S*H.

The master himself, Cho Man Chin

  Some of Cho's other famous works:

Cho's "I Am Colonel Potter"

"Good Luck Sleeping Tonight"

 And he probably created this:

The  infamous "Teddy Roosevelt Taking a Big Dump"

Vive la Cho!

Bullpens. The Domain of the Hipster.

Visitor's bullpen circa 2005.
If you dressed well that means you'll play well.
(This dress code is still strictly enforced).

The chance to build a Rube Goldberg machine
brings out the inner-engineers in every bullpen.
These boys just launched a rabbit into the "FunZone"!

Baseball bullpens have forever been the domain of the Bohemian element in the game.  The visitor's bullpen at Sky Sox Stadium takes this groove to a whole new level. This ball yard haunt where hipsters, artists and general layabouts can let down their hair and shout to the world, "I am me! I like me! I really, really like me!" Well, good on you freak. Someone has to keep on liking you.

Tiny cap = HIPSTER.

Bullpen life is full of PBR, 

Cool brand cigarettes 

and talking about things 

that you probably haven't heard of.

In the past, the boys in the bullpen would earn a few extra dollars boxing and grappling   to amused throngs of hometown fans and greedy bookies.

Taking a well deserved rest after a couple of rounds of fisticuffs.

Today's ballplayers are not allowed to sit on the ground, 

"too unprofessional" according to the umpires 

(and Ferdie Pacheco, the Fight Doctor).

Let's keep it 'professional'!

...Parade floats and marching are also banned...

...But, for some reason, this is not only allowed, 

but encouraged by the men in blue.

Eliezer Alfonzo Day!

On June 18, 2011 Sky Sox Stadium played host to Eliezer Alfonzo Day. The Venezuelan journeyman catcher was surprised by his best friend, and baseball mentor, Billy Ray Cyrus who serenaded him with a medley of Latin hits and then belted out the National Anthem in front a crowd of 5373 confused and bewildered fans.

International superstar Billy Ray Cyrus' 

is overshadowed by Alfonzo's magical grip 

on the adoring media.

Dreamy Billy Ray. Dreamy Eliezer.
Somebody has a couple of admirers.

 The onlookers were entertained with the 

traditional Venezuelan Silly-Hat Chair Dance.

Everyone joined in. 

Include members of the Sky Sox front office.

And here is the man of the hour, 

catcher/salsa dancer extraordinaire,

Aliezer Alfonzo!

FONZIE! FONZIE!! FONZIE!!!

He then wrasled a bear to close the ceremonies.

It was a night that will be long remembered by all that attended. We are all better people for having witnessed it.

Choking On Sherbert

The US Women should have studied 

this infograph before the game.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Et al. 1-0 in the 69th minute on a goal by Alex Morgan, from a beautiful pass by Megan Rapinoe (PengoSports' tourney MVP). Pissed away in the 81st when 3 US defenders panicked and gifted the ball to Japan's Aya Miyama who easily placed in the net and we were off to bonus/free soccer-time!

 

Will the next contestant for 
America's Sweetheart please step forward.

2-1 US, in the 104th minute of bonus soccer-time, on a Abby Wambach header off of great service from Morgan. But since it's soccer, and since it's FIFA, the awesomeness that would have been an incredible OT goal is crapped all over and we still have a minute in this added period and 15 MORE of the other added period to play and, of course, the US defense folded under the Japanese pressure and allowed the equalizer in the 117th, just 3 minutes from victory and thus denying the extra few minutes of fame tacked on to the usual 15 for women's soccer. 2-2 going to PK's. A feeling of FU*K! Is all over this.

P.K.'s

1st PK was dribbled weakly into the Japanese goalie. 0-0.

Goal Japan. 0-1.

2nd PK was up, and good! If it was an extra-point, which it wasn't. 0-1.

Japan kicks one into Solo. 0-1.

3rd PK rolls to a stop at the Japanese tender. 0-1.

Japan smokes one into the net. 0-2.

Wambach with blasts one in, and not with her head. 1-2.

Goal Japan. 1-3. And that was that.

A bit sexist to say they kick like girls, 

but they did kick like girls. Wee little girls.

The US team had more talent, better chances and controlled the game. But Japan didn't give a sh*t about any of that and responded every time and just won the game. They were the better team and deserved victory: 

 

Congratulations to Japan. 

Honorable winners and World Cup champions!

KONJOU - will-power, guts, temper, nature, spirt

 

Japan gets a thunderous welcome!
Hail to our glorious victors! 

DON'T BE LYING TO ME. UNDERSTAND?!

Colorado Springs Sky Sox hitting coach Rene Lachemann, best known for managing Mayaguez to a Caribbean World Series championship in 1978 (and maybe being involved in baseball for 46 years and, I believe, being the first major leaguer to wrestle with Satchel Paige during their time together with the Kansas City A's back in 1965) has a nice gimmick of giving a ball to the young ones before the Sox bat each inning. But in order to earn said ball the child must go through a traumatic interrogation.

Most kid's love it, but every once in a while one of them freaks a bit and 'Lach' takes it down a notch and talks the kid off the ledge.

DON'T BE LYING TO ME. UNDERSTAND?!

So find yourself some tickets to the outfield side of the Sox dugout, get them as low down as you can, and sit back and enjoy some fine baseball theater.

The man does NOT like him some cold

That's a Long Way From Your Legs Son.

Rockies super stud, 5 tool phenom Carlos Gonzalez crashed headlong into the center field wall after making a tremendous catch on Sunday. It looked like he could have injured his shoulder, wrist, knee and/or head. It was quite the collision, but the aftermath was just plain embarrassing. He was carted off, for a, wait for it, a contusion to his right wrist. Contusion is a fancy word for bruise and he needed a scooter ride off the field. We understand that in the shock and violence of the play he would need to take a moment to sort out the temporary from the 'oh sh*t this is really bad' pain, but after that time has passed and you realize ' yup, it's my wrist' you get up, and walk off the field to go and get the x-rays. You don't even have to keep playing with it. The Rockies have invested $80 million in you, and your career isn't worth not getting it checked, but unless there is a bone jutting out, never accept a ride off the field in that little cart.

Here are Cargo's teammates

helping him, and his wrist, up.

Here comes the 'meat wagon'.

click here to watch the video of the

catch/collision/roll off on MLB.com

Now let's compare that clip to PengoSports' all-time favorite hockey clip:

In the above video Toronto's Darcy Tucker pretty much destroys Philadelphia's Sami Kapanen about 7 minutes into overtime of game 6 in the 2004 Eastern Conference semi finals. Did Kamanen stay down? Call for the trainer? Ride off on a scooter? Hell no he didn't! He somehow wobbled, weaved and flopped himself back to the Flyers bench, keeping the play alive, and Philadelphia scored a couple of rushes later to clinch the series on the road.

The second video is the extended version with the hit, the post hit action and the game winning goal. The action part runs from 2:37-3:25. The Flyers total respect and awe for Kapanen runs from 3:48-4:27.

And back to Cargo:

There goes Carlos.

Off to Gate A46 and Atlanta.

Bye bye and see you in center in Tuesday Thursday.

This the only kind of cart you should

ever ride in on a baseball field

(And if you think that we here at PengoSports are just a bunch of insensitive bast*rds here is our story of a sports wrist injury: A long time ago one of us was cooling down from a game of inline hockey when a wheel got stuck in a gap in the cement court and down we went smack onto our right wrist. We felt a crunch and knew that wasn't good. When we tried to use the hand/wrist the fingers wouldn't grip and the wrist wouldn't bend. "Fu*k. we hope we only tore the ligaments," we whined and then got up, skated to the bench, and one-handed unlaced and took off our skates and the rest of our gear. We then shouted, "later" to the guys who were still playing and loaded our equipment into our sweet 1970 Volkswagen Bug. Shifting right handed was out, so we crossed shifted home and iced the living sh*t out of the wrist hoping the swelling would go down and that would prove it was only the ligaments. Alas, no such luck. A plate, a pin and seven screws later we had a newer, and much less useful right wrist. So screw you Cargo and your sissy-ride off the field).

Pain is just weakness leaving the body