Ryan Speier gives Damian Moss directions in the way of the rake.
Overheard at a Colorado Springs Sky Sox game on a $2 Tuesday ($2 parking, $2 ticket, $2 beer, you get the picture):
Colorado Springs Sky Chefs ready the world famous hot tub!
After a lousy April and a crappy May the Colorado Rockies finally fired manager Clint Hurdle today. PengoSports never thought much of Hurdle as a manager, he over-managed the pitching staff and the team's execution was spotty at best, but he was a quality human being and always a stand up guy. He even showed up at his own firing press conference took the bullet and wished interim manager, Jim Tracy, good luck. Class. Yes it is possible to suck and have buckets of class. Good luck to you Clint. You will make some team an excellent hitting coach and some town an excellent citizen.
The PengoTheory pays off! Kavya "Alphabet" Shivashankar wins the spelling bee! If your kid has a bit*hin', hard to spell name get them to the nearest bee! (She won $40,000! It's like PowerBall for smart kids).
The finals of the National Spelling Bee are tonight on ABC, 7:00 PM MDT, and while this is still not a sport and still should not be on ESPN (the semis were on today), it gives us at PengoSports a chance to mock 12 and 13 year old kids that are smarter than we are and will eventually become far more successful than we could ever hope to (the wee bastards!).
Yes. Please. Let the Batmans fight. While the kid did not mean for it to be sports related, it is about fighting. And cockfighting is a PengoSport. And batfighting would be better than cockfighting. And Batmans fighting would be the sh*t!
Watch it. Get Setanta. Watch the footy. 
Since the Pengos that be have been slackin', here is a roundup of what we've missed while making the world safe for bananas, banana tycoons and banana related freaks everywhere:
2. Jay Cutler - Hey as*hole! Fu*k you! Fu*k you and that douche bag of an agent, Bus Cook! What the hell kind of name is Bus? Culter and Cook handled this whole affair with such class and reserve. "They were talking about me." "My coach does not love me." "McDaniel touched me in my bad place." Chrispts! Maybe we overlooked your whining because we hoped you were the next Elway, but you're not Elway! Your not even Plumber! You are just a worthless little bitch that let Phillip Rivers and half the league get into your tiny, bitch skull and have not won jack since high school! Just shut the fu*k up! Good luck with the Bears. We all know how gentle those fans are with little bitch quarterbacks (see Rex Grossman). Oh. Cook was Farve's agent and we all saw how that sh*t circus turned out last Summer. Good luck with that too Jay.
It was a rough season. First you went with two sh*tty goalies. Then you signed a bunch of third-liners. Then everyone got hurt. Then the season went down the sh*tter. Yeah. That kind of season. At least they showed Giguere the door and now are just waiting for Granado's (a good guy but not the coach for the Avs) turn.
Tickets are suppose to be on sale at Tickethorse.com now but are not. That's always a good sign. Still when they do go on sale buy them and enjoy the rugby.
Setanta Sports is good, wholesome entertainment for the whole family. Just look at young Junior up there. He's studying! And watching Setanta on Comcast TV (simutation only. We don't have Setanta in Colorado yet. Think of the great PR if kids got smarter by watching sports on cable TV!). Only in America (Colorado, America that is) could something this wonderful happen. And only you can make it happen. Sign the petition today! Pass on the link today! And make tomorrow brighter for some fat kid with a crewcut who likes to watch TV (Yes, that would be me!).
5 out of 6 German soccer players agree (the 6th was probably a pinko-commie bast*rd), add Setanta to Comcast of Colorado!
Chris "BOO-mer" Berman
This is the year that Fink beats the Stomach...
I want to pump you up! (and freak you out!).
"Who's ready for years and years of wedgies and ass-whoopins?!"
All in my ass fancy lad!
Fish you fools! Fish!
ESPN is reporting that your Denver Broncos will name 32 year old, New England Patriots' offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels, as the next head coach of the floundering organization.
McDaniels is considered an up and comer in the coaching business, but Broncos fans should be concerned that he is 32, and an offensive coach (it was the defense that sucked ass the last ten years) and comes from the Patriots, a team which has turned out such polished turds like Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini and the truly fat Charlie Weis. Sh*t. Things look dark for the boys in predominantly orange.
OK Mr. Bowlen, it's your team now. Shananhan overstayed his welcome, and this was your chance to lead the team back to the promised land. With Josh McDaniels as coach I can't see the promised land, just more of the same with a different, yet much younger, leader. Sure hope your right as*hole. And no, you still can't wear your fairy-boy coat until you win another Super Bowl. And stay out of the sun! You look kinda freakish.
Here's hoping they don't become the Browns, or Lions. Sh*t.
Did ya watch it? Huh? Did ya? Did ya?! The Winter Classic that's what! Jebus! Watching hockey is the closest you're going to get to heaven, unless you're playing hockey you bastards! So I take it that you didn't spend time on New Years' Day supporting the "Greatest Game on Ice", well then you can fu*k right off. OK!? What did you watch? Crappy bowl games? Ah, bite me! Sucking up to the "Man" and watchin' his "football". This is why the BCS is still in place! You'll all suckle at the teet of the bowl whores instead of viewing something of quality that happens to not be college football. Screw all ya all and fu*k Heineken! Pabst Blue Ribbon! And hockey, of course.
THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE
The vastly improved Hawks were thumped back to earth by the always good Wings, 6-4, but the sport of hockey in general was the real winner in this 2nd annual Winter Classic.
Detroit's "D" sweaters were OK, but Chicago's 1936 throwback uniforms were oh so sweet! You can get one on Ebay for as little as $90 (but the price is rocketing, so buy it now). Do it and reap the rewards of the studliness that will engulf you when you wear it.
Great job NHL! Great job Wrigley Field! Great job Blackhawks! And a great job shout out to those evil-bastards, cheating SOB's, Stanley Cup champion, (and as much as it pains this Avs' fan) class-act from top to bottom Detroit Redwings! 
In a stunning development the Denver Broncos owner, Pat Bowlen, pushed Mike Shanahan into a cobra pit on Tuesday afternoon effectively ended his reign as head coach, king and chief fu*k up of the under-performing team .
Shanahan lead the Broncos to two Super Bowl titles in his 14 year tenure as coach, but floundered greatly after his personal muse, and the franchise's true leader, John Elway retired in 1999. The "Mastermind" tried to deflect blame for years by hiring and firing countless coaches and signing and cutting so many worthless players that the team became a metaphor for choking down the stretch (they really Broncoed that ending!).
We fans thank Coach Shanahan for the Super Bowl wins but it was time for a change. Sorry it had to be cobras but you had been warned throughout the season so cobras it was. Good luck with the Browns, or Jets, or Chiefs, or Lions, or wherever you end up (just don't start winning at Mile High once you are gone you bastard! You made such a nice habit of losing there the last few years).
Now a note to Pat Bowlen, don't fu*k this up! Spend the coin and hire Cowher! Give him the control he wants and get him in here! Shananhan was a pretty good coach and if you try to replace him with some worthless college fu*k or a has-been piece of sh*t NFL retread you can just go ahead and get fu*ked! OK? Thank you. As*hole (Invesco Field. You'll always be a cu*t for that one. Make it Cowher and Mile High and you can wear that girl-coat of yours again and we promise not to make fun of you rich ass. I mean it, we promise!).
Oh, whatever will the poor Denver Broncos do? Drive off a cliff? Ram into a tanker truck and explode? Or just quietly run out of gas, coast to a stop on the side of the road and wait for the off season to arrive in the Wait-till-Next-Year tow truck? Let's take a look-see!
1, 2, 3...The Broncos' season is finishing like the career of a fat, old boxer who knows nothing else so he keeps fighting and keeps getting his ass kicked and keeps getting more brain damaged. It is sad. It is embarrassing. It is the Broncos. Enough said.
San Diego leads 24-6 at the half and only need another 10 points to cover my prediction of winning by 28. The defense is the defense and has not stopped the Chargers. The offense looked good on the first drive (let's script the first 15 plays, but the game is not 15 plays long and the Broncos usually look like sh*t after the script is finished), but terrible ever since the missed extra point. It will be a long 2nd half, a long off season and a long 2009 season. At least we still have the Rockies (wait. They'll suck too.).
Holy sh*t! They are not staying down (Stay down Rock! Stay down!). Bell scores on the opening drive of the 2nd half (was it scripted? Why can't you just script the whole fu*king game!?) to make it 24-13. Maybe there's a chance? Maybe? Nawwww! L.T. just ran for a hatfull of yards and the Chargers are looking to score again. And they do. Sproles walks through the non-existent Denver defense and it is 31-13.
Interception! Another S.D. L.T. T.D.! 38-13! Almost to 28! Come on! Dammit! Denver touchdown. 38-21. Another Chargers T.D.! Hell! I was close enough! Pay me my moneys! And choke on it Denver. Choke on it just like you choke on everything else. I won't even waste a cobra on this one. The cobras have suffered enough. Pray for the cobras. Pray hard.
Great season ya bastards!
Merry Christmas, happy holidays and good lovin' from all the staff at the
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Happy holidays from PengoSports! 
