Footy on the Deuce!

Tickets are going fast for the LIVE Aussie Rules match on ESPN2!

It's back! Live (regular season) Australian Rules Football is back on the ESPNs! Tune in Saturday night at 10:00 PM MDT on ESPN2 to witness the glory! Carlton hosts Hawthorn on this epic night! (just don't check the standings, ladder, because it's 5th vs. 14th and not a regular season battle for the ages. But hey. We're not bitching. Live footy is live footy and we'll take it). So dammit! Just watch the game. Have your friends watch. Have your enemies watch. The more of you that watch the better the chance for more footy for this Pengo in the future.

The Hawthorn Hawks go on the attack!
(Subliminal insert - waaaaattttchhhh the gaaaammmme! Wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaattcccccchhhhhhhhhh it! Thanks eh!)

Carlton v. Hawthorn in rough and tumble footy excitement!

And now, here's a clown and a terrified child:

PengoSports, and our happy friend above on the left, would recommend you watch the match Saturday night. And on Monday you will email ESPN and thank them for showing it. We want more footy on TV and we don't want to seem rude and ungrateful do we? DO WE?! Thought so. Mr. Chuckles will now visit someone else while they sleep.

It's the Right Mood for a Bat Fight!

The perfect walk up song for any ball player that has the courage to step up with Will Ferrell and engage in a "Bat Fight"!



It might be wise, if playing the video at the old ballyard, to exclude the beat down and possible death of Mr. Ferrell (2:34-3:45 of the clip). The rest? Family friendly gold!

What Kind of Man Flips Off a Defenseless Manimal/Mascot?

What in the Hell! Just what in the Hell kind of world are we living in where baseball relief pitchers can just lounge around and flip the bird*, or birds as this case seems to be, at pro sports, granted minor league pro sports, mascots?

The face of the mascot was blacked out to protect his identity.

You can see in the background, kind of, that a player is saluting the poor creature with not just one, but two fingers!

Artist's visualization of what the culprit actually looked like.

*Photos used in this story may have been altered, enhanced, changed, etc. to back up the report.

Santa Fight Tonight!

Islanders hosting the Rangers. Anyone dressed as Santa gets in free. Isles management expecting 500 Santas and instead more than a 1000 show up. Did I mention that they were playing the Rangers? As in New York Rangers? Well, Ranger Santas appear, Islander Santas show their displeasure. The result? Pure gold!

Old Time Hockey! (and Crappy Basketball)

Stanley Cup playoffs or NBA playoffs. Which are better? Come on. Do you even have to think about it? The Flyers heart or the Cavs lack of anything close to that? Montreal battling from an 8th seed to the conference finals, or all the losing teams in the NBA playoffs mailing in a result? Grit, courage, toughness and fire, or 112-71 blowouts? Your choice. I'm not saying there is a wrong answer, but if you answer NBA your tickets for the ice capades are waiting for you at will call. Oh, and your panties are showing.

Now for your viewing enjoyment, an couple of clips to demonstrate the difference:

In the first video Toronto's Darcy Tucker pretty much destroys Philadelphia's Sami Kapanen about 7 minutes into overtime of game 6 in the 2004 Eastern Conference semi finals. Did Kamanen stay down? Call for the trainer? Quit? Hell no he didn't! He somehow wobbled, weaved and flopped himself back to the Flyers bench, keeping the play alive, and Philadelphia scored a couple of rushes later to clinch the series on the road. Wow! I will say it again, WOW!

The second video is the extended version with the hit, the post hit action and the goal. The action part runs from 2:37-3:25. The Flyers total respect and awe for Kapanen runs from 3:48-4:27. WOW! Just fricken WOW!

And to defend the NBA? Mr. Paul Pierce of the Boston Celtics, coming back from the dead, to do whatever the f*#k he thought he would do. Did Pierce think he would pull another Willis Reed? Well first you have to be injured. I mean really injured, like a torn thigh muscle injured. Then you have to show some balls and come out and try to play, sink your only two shots, and leave the floor as a legend. Paul Pierce, I watched Willis Reed, I respected Willis Reed, Willis Reed was a man. Mr. Pierce, you're no Willis Reed.

Now watch the craptasticness.

You're Not a "House of Pancakes" Without Pancakes!

Damn you IHOP! Damn you straight to Hell!

The press box menu reads IHOP and when you see IHOP what do you think? Pancakes! Muther-frippin' pancakes! Some of the best pancakes around! And what was waiting in the aluminum warming things? French toast that's what! Stinkin' Freedom Toast! Aaarrrrgh! You are the International House of Pancakes not the International House of Toasts! If the United Kingdom can package pancakes like Twinkies and still make them quite tasty the least you can do is include some in your catering package! The word of the day is P-A-N-C-A-K-E-S. Consider this your first and final notice.

The Freedom toast was a little gummy, but still tasty with your awesome syrups, which this Pengo thought was coffee and found out the hard way with an unpleasant taste and consistency surprise that they were not. From now on syrup in syrup containers not coffee cups please.

The scrambled eggs were scrambled eggs. Light and fluffy. Fresher would have been better but a good source of protein nonetheless.

The bacon was decent. PengoSports cannot get on the bacon bandwagon. It is just crispy pig and every time I eat it I expect my heart to explode. Sorry. Just can't get past the chew, chest pain, chew, chest pain thing. Now if we are talking back bacon, or Canadian bacon, that stuff is the sh*t! No chest pains there!

Sausage links? Little bullets of flavor!

Overall rating - Single, advances to second on an error.

This is the first in a series of reviews of press box food provided to members of the Forth Estate before Colorado Springs Sky Sox home games at beautiful Security Service Field. Great thanks to the Mikes with the Sky Sox PR Dept for the help in maintaining my fat.

Springtime in the Rockies!

What can you say about the weather?

"It's Springtime in the Rockies!" That's what!

Joe Frazier and His "Knockouts"

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! I wish Mr. Peabody would take me in his Wayback Machine to 1972 so I could experience the incredible that this would have been! And all at $5 a ticket! Here's $10. PengoSports is down at both shows!!!

Well. That's that.

Dear Denver Broncos,

Thank for the choke job. Thanks a whole hell of a lot you worthless bastards! At least now we don't have to watch your epic destruction on a playoff level. We only had to watch, with bleached eyes, the last ten weeks of monumental suckatude. So congrats losers! Have a great off-season! You've had a lot of practice doing a whole bunch of nothing lately.

Hey Broncos! Screw you!

The Raiders? No one has to try against the Raiders.

A great big screw you to the Denver Broncos for playing not to lose, kicking 4 field goals, and losing to the tard-tastic Raiders today!

Here are some cobras for your Christmas:

Bite bite my pretties! Start with that arrogant bastard Josh McDaniels and work your way down from there.

Tiger Woodses at the Football

Watching the UFL, that new football league no one knew was around and will be gone before we know it, and noticed the refs all bought their outfits from the Tiger Woods Sunday Collection (and the teams seem to have found theirs at some kind of award show that portrays football as the gayest thing ever).

The kick is up...

...and it's good!

Watch the UFL on Versus before it's gone, and it will be gone soon. By the way, the game was the California Redwoods (who have no red in their uniforms), coached by Denny Green vs Las Vegas Locomotives, called the Locos (insane? We guess that is apt for a Vegas team) and coached by Jim Fassel. The Locos went all batsh*t crazy on the Redwoods and defeated them 30-17 in front of a couple of thousand people in a game that was not half bad. If fact, it was better than a lot of NFL games (unless watched on NFL RedZone where there are no bad games).

PengoSports gives the UFL a thumbs up if you have nothing better to do on a Thursday night after watching the Avs choke a third period lead and lose their first game of the season.

UFL Football Excitment Action Fun-Fest Supergaza!

NFL RedZone!

Yeah to the NFL RedZone channel.

Hey football junkies! NFL RedZone, every touchdown, every score, is on Colorado Springs Comcast channel 185! This channel is too sweet but you need to have the Sports Package, $5.00 a month, to get the goodness.

You get not only the scores, but it's a channel of cut ins! It takes all of that hard work out of channel surfing. You just sit back and they surf for you showing you all the good parts! Rock on!

Livin' the good life!

Rugby League! Almost LIVE!

Well. Well. Well. Would you look at what the MMA & T*ts channel (SPIKE) went ahead and did? Rugby league. National Rugby League from Australia is what they did. It's on! Is it Live!? No. But we get to watch a game a week during the playoffs plus the Grand Final, and that's better that in sharp stick in the eye ain't it?

There will be a Finals Series game shown Friday the 11th, 18th & 25th at 9:00 pm (about a 14 hour delay) and the Grand Final will be shown on Sunday, October 4th at 9:00 am (only a couple of hours after the game ends). Not bad for a last minute pick up by the Spike TV folks.

Tonight's game is the Melbourne Storm v the Manly Warringah Sea Eagles. If you want to watch the games live you can go to omnisports.tv and pay $5.99 a game. Unless you're an expat that blows. So screw you Omnisports.tv and HUZZAH! to Spike TV!

Grand Final Viewing Party at the Hooters!

It's on! Friday, September 25th @ 9:30 pm. The 2009 Australian Rules Football Grand Final LIVE on ESPN Classic at the Hooters.

Happy Hour starts at 10:00 pm with:

• domestic pints $2
  
• 10 famous Hooters' wings for $4
  
• cheese sticks for $3
  
• deep fried pickles for $2.25
  
• Hell! We may even fry up some candy bars & twinkies for $4!
  
• And, of course, Fosters Beer specials and giveaways all night long!

Everyone is welcome. Rules will be explained. No dingos allowed.

A good time is almost guaranteed, so get ready to eat and drink so much that when you try to leave you'll get stuck between two parked cars.

Bit of a tight squeeze for Frank Cannon after watching the footy.

Jump Around!

Mascot school final exams are coming up and it looks like all the boys in the bullpen are going to graduate!

Thursday, August 27

Friday, August 28th

Good luck Chicken! Good luck Phanatic! Good luck Giant Sausage! Our nation's mascot future is in good hands.

Hulk Like Footy

The Greatest Pre-Game Speech Ever!

The US team was fresh off the 4-3 Miracle on Ice defeat of the USSR and needed to beat Finland to win the Gold in the 1980 Olympics. Does Herbie congratulate them? Does Herbie tell them to go out there and have fun? No! Herbie punches them right in the knobs! Talk about summing it up in just a few words. It would have been an honor to play for that man.

Talk About Intense!

Rugby League in Australia. State of Origin is a 3 game, in season, all star series between players from New South Wales and Queensland. It is teammate vs teammate. Friend vs friend. To play for your state in Origin means more to the players than any championship game. It is intense. It is awesome! It is war! It is Origin football!

He Called Us Names!

Another great locker room speech.
And yes, the answer is Jebus.

Do You Like the Soccer?

What the hell is wrong with you?! Oh well. I guess it's OK that you're that way. Live and let live is what we say. And if you like the soccer you'll probably be wanting to watch the Mexico v USA qualifier on August 12th won't you? Sad thing is that unless you happen to be named Kreskin you'll need a divining rod and a bag of apples to find it!

The douches that be at USA Soccer!

Soccer, the Nancy-boy sport extraordinaire, has made the brilliant choice to air Wednesday's English language broadcast of the Mexico v USA World Cup qualifier on some sh*thole channel called mun2, owned by NBC Universal and an offshoot of Telemundo (moon dos, get it? It's funny Spanish for world). Way to go USA Soccer! The biggest game of the the year and you license it to a channel that only Latinos know exists! Hope you got a sh*tload of cash for that bit of marketing genius because it is not going to do squat to help the grow of the game in mainstream America! The game is being carried in Spanish on Telemundo, the big brother of mun2, so the Mexico fans already have a platform to watch the match while the USA supporters will be cursing and meandering all over the dial, ESPN, ESPN2 Fox Soccer, O is for Oprah, etc..., only to find fu*k all and get more disillusioned about the already lame sport.

Fear not fans! PengoSports is always ready with the knowledge:

mun2 - Comcast channel 282 in Colorado Springs
DirectTV channel 410
Dish Network channel 838

Comcast customers in the Denver Metro area, NO mun2 for you!

Mexico v USA! Plus bears!

Game time is Wednesday, August 12 @ 2:00 PM MDT.

Azteca Stadium in Mexico City is a hellhole for the US to play in (the fans throw baggies of urine at the players! Baggies?! Can't they afford fu*kin' water ballons! Show some class as*holes!). The US National team has only managed 1 tie and a sh*tload of losses in the last thousand years. Doesn't look good for the boys in red, white and blue. So, they'll just have to hike up their skirts, wear their best heels and put on their faces, the time for losin' is over! The time to go and kick some pig flu infected ass is upon them!

They had to pee real bad. Now let's throw it at Donovan!

Oh Mister Grant!

Asner, Knotts, some chick, a mule and the "Oyage!!" guy!

Who out there can't help but tear up at the thought of the greatest sports movie of all time (that involved a field goal kicking mule)? God Gus was great! Oyage! Oyage indeed!

Take That You Damn Kids!

Australian Football. What a great game!

The New Phone Book's Here!

Catch LIVE Australian Football excitement tonight for FREE!!!

From AFL.com.au

Are you keen to watch all the round 17 AFL action live?

Well you can, right here, on afl.com.au.

With AFL matches no longer available on the Setanta Network in some territories, BigPond Sport is giving AFL fans the chance to stream every AFL game live to their desktop ... free from any subscription costs.

Now, that free service has been extended to footy fans in Ireland, the USA and Canada for the critical Rivalry Round.

Click here to enjoy the weekend’s matches!

Weekend Schedule
Note that times indicated are local with Greenwich Mean Time shown in brackets.

Sunday, July 26
Melbourne v Sydney Swans at Manuka Oval, 1.10pm (0310 GMT 910 PM MDT)
Essendon v Richmond at the MCG, 2.10pm (0410 GMT 1010 PM MDT)
Adelaide v Port Adelaide at AAMI Stadium, 4.10pm (0710 GMT 110 AM MDT)
Watch Live

Note: This service is only available to viewers in the UK, Ireland, the USA and Canada.

Snots 4 the Memories

Nice going ya bastards at Altitude and KSE! In your greed to get that bullsh*t, emotional shot you only succeeded in scaring a little Sakic for life.

Sorry about this young Sakic. Once the die is cast PengoSports must report. Next time grab that lady's tissue and go for the nose. Although that was a pretty sweet snot-sickle.

All Hail the Rally Rake!

It's the second week of July and the Colorado Springs Sky Sox, the AAA affiliate of the Colorado Rockies, are leading the PCL Pacific North division by 5.5 games. It should be more but the Sox just dropped 3 straight to the Portland Beavers (Heh heh heh. He said Portland.). This is a team that hasn't won fu*k all since forever (Hey Rockies! Thanks for suckin') and are now poised to make a run for the playoffs. They question is why this team? Why now?

Enter the Rally Rake. The bullpen crew, namely Ryan Speier, Damian Moss and Kurt Birkins, started worshiping a groundskeepers rake, treating it with reverence and the love it needed, and the rake, like all things magic, is paying them back with victories and the blood of their vanquished.

Now just start taking the damn thing on roadtrips and all will be well in the world.

Thems Kids Can Really Rake

Ryan Speier gives Damian Moss directions in the way of the rake.
(click pic to see pdf slides then click each slide to advance)

Make up your own caption:

Zen and the Art of Bullpen Mound Maintenance

Daniel San. Do 'rake the mound'!

Rake! Rake like the wind! Rake like you've never raked before!

Mental E-5

10.12 Errors
The official scorer shall not score mental mistakes or misjudgments as errors unless a specific rule prescribes otherwise.

While watching the Rockies (Ian Stewart) butcher their way to a loss to the Angels last night PengoSports got to thinking, "why the fu*k not score something as a mental error?" Huh?! If you screw up you screw up. Mentally or physically should not matter. Why punish the pitcher for the brain-fart of another? It is time for the 'MENTAL ERROR' to be added to official scoring in baseball.

To the game:

In the 8th, with a man on first and no outs, Stewart fielded a sacrifice bunt, checked second base, saw no play, looked to first, double clutched and threw late to Todd Helton at first. No outs and men on first and second. That's a Mental E-5, or E-5 m. He spaced the speed of the batter and the double clutch caused the runner to be safe.

Next batter and another sacrifice bunt. Jimenez makes a great play off the mound, fields it, and whips it to an unprepared Stewart who fumbles his feet around, but not on, the bag and the runner is safe. Mental E-5. The rest is vintage old Rockies and that was the end of another win streak.

This is not a rant against Ian Stewart or any one fielder. It is a rant against a crappy rule. Make a bonehead play and get an 'E'. The ball drops between two slack jawed fielders, shortstop and second base for example, the team gets a Team Mental Error, or E Team-6/4. Pitchers would be happier, fielders are accountable, stat whores have a field day, and the truth is finally told.

Champagne and Hotdogs

Overheard at a Colorado Springs Sky Sox game on a $2 Tuesday ($2 parking, $2 ticket, $2 beer, you get the picture):

"Before the Summer's out we got to get to that hot tub! You get like 12 (actually 8) people and they give you champagne and hotdogs and anything you want..."

World Famous Hot Tub - $300

• 8 Tickets
• Complimentary bottle of champagne
• Commemorative Hot Tub T-Shirt
• Catered meal featuring hamburgers, hotdogs, chips and Pepsi products

Contact Ryan Stos @ (719) 304-5615 for further details.

If that ain't livin' I don't know what is. Champagne and hotdogs. Hell yes! He forgot to bring up the free t-shirt. That was a man who knows the good life.

Colorado Springs Sky Chefs ready the world famous hot tub!

Rockies Lose a Scapegoat

After a lousy April and a crappy May the Colorado Rockies finally fired manager Clint Hurdle today. PengoSports never thought much of Hurdle as a manager, he over-managed the pitching staff and the team's execution was spotty at best, but he was a quality human being and always a stand up guy. He even showed up at his own firing press conference took the bullet and wished interim manager, Jim Tracy, good luck. Class. Yes it is possible to suck and have buckets of class. Good luck to you Clint. You will make some team an excellent hitting coach and some town an excellent citizen.

On a related note, MLB.com writer Thomas Harding reported that the Colorado Springs Sky Sox manager Tom Reynolds (it's Runnells asshat) was named the Rockies' new bench coach (he has since corrected it. The story was phoned in to MLB.com and the editor butchered it. Sorry Thomas. Your editor is the asshat). In the age of Google there is no excuse for this lazy crap. Come on MLB.com!

A big congrats to TR! Even though you will now have to go through life as Tommy Reynolds. At least this way if you owe money, are wanted by the feds or being hunted by the mob you are free and clear!

She "Bee" a Winner

The PengoTheory pays off! Kavya "Alphabet" Shivashankar wins the spelling bee! If your kid has a bit*hin', hard to spell name get them to the nearest bee! (She won $40,000! It's like PowerBall for smart kids).

Huzzah Kavya! Huzzah! Now please move your head. I'm trying to watch TV.

Sting Like a Spelling Bee

The finals of the National Spelling Bee are tonight on ABC, 7:00 PM MDT, and while this is still not a sport and still should not be on ESPN (the semis were on today), it gives us at PengoSports a chance to mock 12 and 13 year old kids that are smarter than we are and will eventually become far more successful than we could ever hope to (the wee bastards!).

(The spelling bee is just a freak show where we get to watch kids stressing out and acting like tools. Hell! They're kids. That's how they're suppose to act just don't put it on TV. The same thing goes for the Little League World Series. Do it without the television coverage. Let the kids play (spell) in front of family and friends and the world will never know what horrible bastards we adults are for doing this to them. I am tired of seeing stressed out kids crying to fulfill the dreams of some parents. At least the smart kids get some coin for college for the effort.)

If you ever wondered why these kids are such good spellers just look at their stinkin' names! From birth they were always having to spell these things for teachers, friends, the police, etc...Kyle and Tim, you don't have a chance! My money is on Aishwaryar, Kavya or Anamika.

When these kids get to college they will all go by the nickname of Alphabet (because they all seem to have every letter of the alphabet in their names, no one can pronounce the things, and oh yeah, they enjoy spelling). "Hey Alphabet! Move your giant head so I can see the TV!" or "Yo Alphabet! Thems some mad-phat spellin' skills you has! Now get me a beer."

Your contestants:

• Speller No. 19, Ramya Auroprem
• Speller No. 65, Serena Laine-Lobsinger
• Speller No. 88, Kyle Mou
• Speller No. 89, Aishwarya Pastapur
• Speller No. 103, Kennyi Aouad
• Speller No. 110, Kavya Shivashankar
• Speller No. 139, Sidharth Chand
• Speller No. 158, Tussah Heera
• Speller No. 170, Neetu Chandak
• Speller No. 201, Anamika Veeramani
• Speller No. 276, Tim Ruiter

So goodluck to all the Alphabets plus Kyle and Tim!

Two Batmans

Quote of the day:

"Mom! I want two Batmans so the Batmans can fight."
Some kid, overheard in the toy department at Ross (5/15/2009).

Yes. Please. Let the Batmans fight. While the kid did not mean for it to be sports related, it is about fighting. And cockfighting is a PengoSport. And batfighting would be better than cockfighting. And Batmans fighting would be the sh*t!

Aussie Rules!

The AFL season is under way and here is a sweet commercial. That is an actual game. It's such a bad-assed sport that they have bulls, cars, etc. in a free for all across Australia. First team to kick it in the ocean wins.

Watch it. Get Setanta. Watch the footy.
See you in September.

Dance Monkey! Dance!

What? It's a bear? Oh. Sorry. Dance Bear! Dance!

What's better than playoff hockey? Overtime playoff hockey that's what!

With that said, shame on you Versus! Shame on you NHL! Shame, shame! What's the deal with not showing every second of every game? How about just relevant seconds of a game? Games should be on Versus, the NHL Network, the Golf Channel, wherever! Just show the games! I had to wait for highlights of the Canes game winner over the Devils when all Versus was showing was the studio tools (sorry Mr. Jones. The studio tools and the great, please be nice to me, Keith Jones). Cut in live! Show the games! Showcase the sport! Live hockey, breathe hockey, show fu*kin' hockey! Versus stepped up on Thursday night and let us watch the last 6+ minutes of an entertaining 1-0 Devils victory. Huzzah to Versus! Now keep it up.

Speaking of Mr. Jones: what did the Habs' Mike Komisarek do to make him so angry? WOW!

Hootenanny Roundup Spectacular

Since the Pengos that be have been slackin', here is a roundup of what we've missed while making the world safe for bananas, banana tycoons and banana related freaks everywhere:

Broncos Update: Jebus fu*king christmas! What the Wide, Wide World of Sports is going on here?!

1. Josh McDaniels - You go boy! It takes a child to show Bronco fans that a TEAM is not made by one player (unless that player be named John Elway, praise be his name). PengoSports had its doubts about the boy wonder but his first few months on the job helped to open our collective eyes, and he will be the man and the team will be alright. 9-7 in 2009, really tough schedule, but the future looks bright. TEAM, that's a crazy as*ed concept. There is no "I" in team, but there is a "M" and an "E". Speaking of which...

2. Jay Cutler - Hey as*hole! Fu*k you! Fu*k you and that douche bag of an agent, Bus Cook! What the hell kind of name is Bus? Culter and Cook handled this whole affair with such class and reserve. "They were talking about me." "My coach does not love me." "McDaniel touched me in my bad place." Chrispts! Maybe we overlooked your whining because we hoped you were the next Elway, but you're not Elway! Your not even Plumber! You are just a worthless little bitch that let Phillip Rivers and half the league get into your tiny, bitch skull and have not won jack since high school! Just shut the fu*k up! Good luck with the Bears. We all know how gentle those fans are with little bitch quarterbacks (see Rex Grossman). Oh. Cook was Farve's agent and we all saw how that sh*t circus turned out last Summer. Good luck with that too Jay.

3. Pat Bowlen - WTF?! It took you long enough to step up and take back your team. Within a day is saying "Cutler is outta here," Cutler was out of there. You are getting closer to being allowed to wear that nancy-boy coat of yours. Keep it up and you'll be pretty on the sidelines by December.

Avalanche Update: You cannot even lose properly!

It was a rough season. First you went with two sh*tty goalies. Then you signed a bunch of third-liners. Then everyone got hurt. Then the season went down the sh*tter. Yeah. That kind of season. At least they showed Giguere the door and now are just waiting for Granado's (a good guy but not the coach for the Avs) turn.

The team had a chance to finish in the bottom two, but screwed it up in the last couple of weeks by playing with pride and grinding out some unneeded points. While it was good to see them skate to the tape it would have been nice to suck and pick up Victor Hedman, the 6'7" 227 Swedish D man, with the 2nd pick.

PengoSports picks the Bruins over the Blues in the Cup Final in 6 games.


Los Nuggets update: We really don't like the basketball but good for them and whatever they do. As long as the Lakers and Celtics don't win it all the world will be a better place.


Rubgy: The Churchill Cup is coming to Denver in June!

A six nation, USA, Canada, Argentina, Ireland, Georgia (the country, not the state) and England will compete at Infinity Park and Dick's June 6-21. Tickets will be cheap. The violence will be fun. And we will get to watch the US get thumped by a bunch of Pengo countries that can't beat us in anything else (except Canada with hockey, Ireland in drinking, Argentina in rioting, England in inbreeding and Georgia in whatever the fu*k they do well).

Tickets are suppose to be on sale at Tickethorse.com now but are not. That's always a good sign. Still when they do go on sale buy them and enjoy the rugby.

Let's Bring the "Ocho" to Colorado!

Comcast of Colorado,

We, the PengoSports nation demand (beg, plead, hell, whatever you need us to fu*kin' do!) that you add Setanta Sports, a real, live version of ESPN 8 "the Ocho" to your International Programming lineup!

Sign the petition today!
Hey Comcast! We Want Setanta Petition!

Hey Comcast! We Want Setanta Petition!

We need our strange Australian sports, Aussie Rules football! We need our violent sports, Rugby (both league and union)! We need our weird Irish sports, hurling and Gaelic football! And what the heck, we also need soccer from England, but we don't have to like it!

Setanta Sports is good, wholesome entertainment for the whole family. Just look at young Junior up there. He's studying! And watching Setanta on Comcast TV (simutation only. We don't have Setanta in Colorado yet. Think of the great PR if kids got smarter by watching sports on cable TV!). Only in America (Colorado, America that is) could something this wonderful happen. And only you can make it happen. Sign the petition today! Pass on the link today! And make tomorrow brighter for some fat kid with a crewcut who likes to watch TV (Yes, that would be me!).

5 out of 6 German soccer players agree (the 6th was probably a pinko-commie bast*rd), add Setanta to Comcast of Colorado!

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

Hey Comcast! May we please have Setanta petition!

Of All the Things to Babble About...

So. Chris Berman comes on with his Two Minute Drill (Super Bowl Edition) and interviews the Cardinals' punter and ex Aussie Rules star Ben Graham. Berman starts out by asking Graham a good question, "Which ball is easier to kick...", which is relevant, useful and, if you're a fan of footy, interesting. And then asks a lame, cliche of a question, "The guy in the white hat, under the goalpost, that does...". What the hell BOO-mer?! Ben Graham played FOO-tee (Berman's pronunciation) for GEE-long (again Berman's butchery), he was not a goal umpire. Jebus! Why don't you have him explain Jocko, Crocodile Dundee, Yahoo Serious, Nicole Kidman's face and that 'dingo ate my baby' thing while you're at it.

Thanks BOO-mer! You're a champ! Congratulations from all the FOO-ty fans and all the GEE-long fans! You are this week's winner of the Pengo Sports Tool of the Week award! Way to go fat boy! Way to go.

Chris "BOO-mer" Berman

Aussie Rules goal umpire or a banana tycoon or ESPN's Chris Berman?

Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day

To honor the greatness and self-indulgence that is the Super Bowl, the Government of the United Nations of the World has declared February 1, 2009, A Salute to Illeism: Speak of Yourself in the Third Person Day.

Illeism - The act of referring to oneself in the third person. Someone who practices illeism is an illeist. Adjective: illeistic. Etymology: From the Latin, "that man".

So, at your Super Bowl party, proclaim proudly your name, annoy your friends and let the world know the joys of irritating speech and become the illeist that you've always wanted to be.