HUMIDOR!

A HUMIDOR! AAA pitchers rejoice! Colorado Springs’ altitude of 6551 feet and deserty-dry air are now non-issues! When pitching at Security Service Field the only things you’ll have to worry about are the wind; the cold; earwigs; elves; tofu; wolves…

BEHOLD! THE HUMIDOR!

Rugby. Rugby. Rugby.

LIVE! BBC America! France v Ireland at the Stade de France! 100pm!

We can only hope the game is better than last week's "dog" with Scotland losing to England in a wonderful cure for insomnia (but a sad, sad rugby match). Still it's LIVE! and bound to have announcers with silly accents.

Manning to Broncos? UPDATED

Reports are beginning to percolate that the Broncos are interested in Peyton Manning and that Jacksonville is offering a 2nd and 5th for the Tebus. Fingers crossed here at PengoSports.  

UPDATED - Liars! Seems that every team is going to get Peyton. Dolphins, Redskins and Jets highest on the bullsh*t list. 

UP-UPDATED - Yes. We know how the story ended. Superbowl? Ha. They are still the Broncos. Even without Tebus they will screw it up.

Small Fat Man...Handcuffed Himself to the Goal

While the staff here at PengoSports were a watching exciting English Premier League Tuesday soccer action on Fox Soccer Channel, Everton hosting Manchester City, just before halftime, to our stunned amazement this wonderful bit of weird happened:

From the Guardian (the best newspaper in the world):

8.42pm: There's a break in play at Goodison Park because a small fat man in a baseball cap has sauntered over to Joe Hart's goal and handcuffed himself to the post. It's been a very long day, but I'm pretty sure I'm not hallucinating. He's got his arms either side of the upright with the bracelets round each wrist.

8.44pm: At Goodison Park, the players are standing around looking bemused as lots of stewards and police try to release the bloke who's handcuffed himself to the post, as he tells them all to eff off! Somebody produces a key or bolt-cutters, the cuffs are removed and he's dragged away.

The half finally came, Everton 0 - Man City 0 - Short Fat Man 1.

UPDATED! Everton wins 1-0. Fat man in hat protests a shi*ty airline:

Story at the Daily Mail

And now, for your pleasure, here's another freak in goal:

Dude. Really? Duuuude.

Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh QB and what it seems, mob wise guy, has been sporting a wee fedora (or he just has a giant head) of late:

Good look? Really? He just looks like a tarted-up hipster. 

Here at PengoSports we have done a bit of digging and located a few of his previous looks:

 

Ben's Charles Lindbergh look that he sported while 

at the University of Miami Ohio. (This look did not catch on).

During his rookie season in Pittsburgh he embraced the "James Joyce" style that was so popular with all the young Steeler fans. It ranked right up there with the Terrible Towel at home games.

The bowler hat, also known as a coke hat, derby,  
billycock or bombín and when sported on Ben's giant head 
just looked silly. He only wore this for part of one pre-season.

 Ben, and friends, a the Million Hat March in Washington DC last Spring.

Experimenting with his current "Fedora" look. 
The scarf did not make the cut.

Ben Roethlisberger, a haberdasher's dream 
(and a national nightmare).

Which hat is next? Hmmmmm...

Someone Doesn't Like The Tebow

Tebowing (vb) the act of calling attention to oneself while supposedly giving glory to a higher power.

From a few weeks back in the Hooters' men's room (over urinal #3). Seems someone didn't like Tim Tebow, or at least this photo of Tebow:

Look out! Something is trying to get in your mouth!
Pray it away! Pray it away!

The Big Guy is not amused.

Now let's wander into the sunset with some images from the PengoSports Tebowing gallery:

Tebowing

Tebowing after killing a great, big snake

A cowboy Tebowing 
but still ready to come up guns-a-blazin'!
 

A Catholic "Tebowing". Nice try Papist!

Poor kids would like to watch the Tebow 
but can't afford a TV (or a place to live).

Matthew 6:6 - But you, when you pray, enter into your room, 
and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly. 

TOUCHDOWN! YES! BRONCOOOOOOOOS!

 

 

Broncos Got Jobbed

Tim Tebow and the Broncos got jobbed on the last play of the game against the Chargers on Sunday. Jobbed we say. J-O-B-B-E-D. The Broncos should have had one more play, from the one yard line, after the blatant pass interference penalty, not called, against San Diego cornerback Dante Hughes, #33, when he pushed Matthew Willis, #12, clean out the back of the end zone while the ball was in the air. Cheater.

Would the Broncos have scored? Probably not. They are the Broncos you know, although it was Timmy Jesus in the game instead of Mr. Fieldgoal, Kyle Orten, so Denver would have at least had a chance scoring the TD and winning the game.

Full video from NFL.com

The jobbing begins at about 45 seconds

Tebow has earned another start. Adapt the offense to his strengths, all plays out of the shotgun and roll the pocket to give him a better view of the play as it develops, and let Timmy be Timmy. Either he'll lead the Broncos out of the desert and his legion of followers will rejoice in his glory. Or he'll suck and they will have to shut the hell up and find a new messiah to claim is being crucified for his beliefs and not for lack of the proper skill set in the job that he is trying to win.

And lest you think we here are anti-Tebow because he is a Christian, PengoSports believes that you will not find a stronger leader, with better character in sports today than Tim Tebow. He seems to be a great kid who is genuine and a wonderful roll model. We just do not like his throwing motion and believe that will be the only thing that prevents him from becoming an elite quarterback in the league. He could worship clowns for all we care as long as the Broncos start winning again. 

Aussie Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party!!!

All are welcome. All are welcome.

It is that time of the year again!  PengoSports' Christmas, 4th of July and Guy Fawkes Day all rolled into one!  It's the 2011 Australian Rules Football Grand Final Viewing Party LIVE on ESPN2 at the Hooters Citadel Mall. 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30th AT 10:00 PM

Join us for some real footy, great company and wacked accents while we watch the World's Greatest Game!

Everyone is welcome. Rules will be explained. No dingos allowed.

Show up early and bring the kids to have your picture taken with the infamous "Tech Club Gavel"! 

1961 Tech Club President's Gavel

The "Gavel" is only making a few stops in Colorado as it tours America teaching children and adults alike about the long, dark history of the "Tech Club".

Hoop Dreams!

New Zealand and Australia got together for a nice friendly games of hoops and a rugby match tried to break out (but not quite).

Keep up the good word boys and basketball will make it onto the PengoSports must watch list. At least NZ v. OZ games (or Georgetown v. random Chinese team).

Gack! What the Hell is That(s)?

What a home stand. We have been entertained by...

...the World Famous Tacoma Disc-O-Crats:

The only thing missing was a flying dog.

I shall throw...

...and I shall catch!

...then we had this thing showed up for a game...

Hey look, it's Teen Wolf!

Never mind. It's just Lame Wolf.

...and this thing...

Just askin' for a beatin'.

...and finally, this thing:

Holy Lord! Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Sweep us out of here Sandman!

You Suck Field at Mile High

Invesco Field at Mile High. Sports Authority Field at Mile High. Greedy Clueless Bast*rds Field at Mile High. Choke on a Bowl of D*cks Field at Mile High. Take you pick. They all suck. Suck donkeys (see what we did there?).

Bears Stadium was build in 1948 to house Denver's minor league baseball team the Bears and thus, correctly named, Bears Stadium. The Broncos were born in 1960 and played in Bears Stadium while usually playing like dogs until 1969 when the city of Denver took over the facility and it was re-named Mile High Stadium (cause, you know Denver is a mile above sea level and when you hear the name mentioned you think of Denver and not an investment fund, or a sporting goods store). From that date until the venue's last game in December of the 2000 season the Broncos had the pretty impressive home record of 171-68-5 for a .711 winning percentage. After which they move into a bigger, and crappier stadium named Invesco Field at Mile High and began the long downward slide into suck once again.


What we can surmise from this is that unless the Broncos play in a stadium named Mile High, and only Mile High, they will be losers. Well, at least they won a couple of Super Bowls back in the day. Thanks for that, for whatever that's worth as*holes.

1968. Bears Stadium. Just a year before the birth of Mile High

South Stands, check. West Stands, check. The rest? Not just yet.

It would be nice if they, the Stadium District and the Broncos, had not whored out and sold the naming rights. The people in the six county district did pony up quite a bit of dough to build the fu*ker so it should have been named what THEY wanted.

 Not quite an Angry Mob. More of a Dissatisfied Mass.

They Will Lay Their Babies In Your Brain

St. Louis Cardnals' left fielder, and a PengoSports personal favorite, Matt Holliday had a moth fly into his ear during the 8th inning of last night's game against the Dodgers. He left the field and they have to use a "utensil" to get the still living moth out of his ear (read about it here). 

Gaaaadds! We just know that thing laid eggs on his brain and Matt will be afflicted with the "crazy" for the rest of the season. And he is was one of the really good guys in pro sports. Now with the bug larvae crawling around in his head he'll probably turn out like the rest of the recently infected. You know, Carlos Zambrano and Albert Haynesworth.

Future Matt playing "left field"

Good luck Matt. Maybe your Crazy Train will turn out like Ozzy's (both Ozzy Osborn and Ozzie Guillen) and not Carlos' and Albert's.

On a related note, Sky Sox infielder Jorge Cantu had a large black widow egg sack on his neck in Sunday's game. We don't want to be around when that thing hatches. Having an advanced degree in Spiderology, we here at PengoSports have found that fire works the best on spiders. Lots and lots of fire. Oh, and screaming. Yeah, lots of that too.

Colonel Prime Time

Deion Sanders' Hall of Fame bust...

 ...looks like it was carved by Cho Man Chin from M*A*S*H.

The master himself, Cho Man Chin

  Some of Cho's other famous works:

Cho's "I Am Colonel Potter"

"Good Luck Sleeping Tonight"

 And he probably created this:

The  infamous "Teddy Roosevelt Taking a Big Dump"

Vive la Cho!

Bullpens. The Domain of the Hipster.

Visitor's bullpen circa 2005.
If you dressed well that means you'll play well.
(This dress code is still strictly enforced).

The chance to build a Rube Goldberg machine
brings out the inner-engineers in every bullpen.
These boys just launched a rabbit into the "FunZone"!

Baseball bullpens have forever been the domain of the Bohemian element in the game.  The visitor's bullpen at Sky Sox Stadium takes this groove to a whole new level. This ball yard haunt where hipsters, artists and general layabouts can let down their hair and shout to the world, "I am me! I like me! I really, really like me!" Well, good on you freak. Someone has to keep on liking you.

Tiny cap = HIPSTER.

Bullpen life is full of PBR, 

Cool brand cigarettes 

and talking about things 

that you probably haven't heard of.

In the past, the boys in the bullpen would earn a few extra dollars boxing and grappling   to amused throngs of hometown fans and greedy bookies.

Taking a well deserved rest after a couple of rounds of fisticuffs.

Today's ballplayers are not allowed to sit on the ground, 

"too unprofessional" according to the umpires 

(and Ferdie Pacheco, the Fight Doctor).

Let's keep it 'professional'!

...Parade floats and marching are also banned...

...But, for some reason, this is not only allowed, 

but encouraged by the men in blue.